19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

19 Quick & Dirty Ways to Unapologetic Self-Love

Are you struggling to find self-love after narcissistic abuse? Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling worthless and without self-confidence. This can be very difficult to move past, especially if you’re left trying to figure out how to build self-esteem from scratch – which many survivors of narcissistic abuse are, thanks to having grown up in toxic homes before finding themselves in toxic relationships with narcissists as adults.

Why does narcissistic abuse cause you to lose yourself?

You probably already know that pathological narcissists will do everything in their power to keep you under their thumb, including playing on your insecurities. They know exactly how to make you feel like you’re not good enough.

The truth is, you are good enough; you deserve love, respect, and admiration. But the first step to finding that love for yourself is recognizing that you’ve been manipulated into feeling like you aren’t. Once you realize that the negative things your partner said about you were false, it’s easier to set them aside and move forward with self-love. So what can you do to help yourself feel more confident? Stick with me and I’ll show you.

How do you find your self-confidence and self-esteem after narcissistic abuse?

What does it mean to be rock-solid in your self-love and self-image? How can you become the person you truly want and deserve to be, during or after narcissistic relationships? What actionable steps can you take to truly and unapologetically LOVE YOURSELF to the point that literally no one – and especially not a narcissist – can affect your ability to feel good – your ability to feel happy and to have an unbreakable sense of self-esteem?

That’s what we’re talking about today – finding the part of yourself that lets you create and grow an unbreakable, unapologetic sense of self that will release you of the need to be validated from outside yourself.

There’s no shortage of information on how to strengthen your relationship with your family, boss, or coworkers. However, you never hear about how to have a more productive relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you have! Most of the trouble you have with yourself is that you don’t know yourself well, because narcissistic abuse has a knack for causing you to sort of lose yourself.

You may have spent most of your life avoiding yourself. It can be difficult to address our shortcomings or deal with uncomfortable thoughts, especially when we’ve spent so long being torn down, manipulated, and abused by the narcissist in our lives. But as much as you’d love to some days, you can’t escape yourself, so you might as well make friends.

How can you develop a stronger relationship with yourself after narcissistic abuse?

After an intimate relationship with a narcissist, the sense of self can be totally lost. Discard, hate, and disregard from the abuser leave the victim with almost no sense of worth. It’s important to find your sense of self, as you move forward as a survivor who has lived through an abusive relationship.

Self-love after narcissistic abuse is possible, but it’s not easy. You’ve been manipulated by the narcissist. You’ve been abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It’s hard to believe you’re worthy of love, or that you have the power to give yourself love.

Forgive yourself first.

The truth is that you cannot love yourself if you do not forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself will allow you to move forward without holding on to the past.

Remember you’re allowed to be angry.

You must also realize that it’s okay to be angry at the narcissist. You do not need to pretend that you are over it or that you have forgiven them. You can be angry and still love yourself. It’s okay to even hate someone for what they did and still love yourself at the same time.

Go no contact if you can.

Let go of your ex-partner and cut off all contact with them completely. This is very important since they will try their best to get back into your life so you can continue taking care of them and putting their needs before your own.

Express yourself creatively!

Express your feelings through art, music, poetry, or any other form of expression that makes you feel better. This will help you release some of the negative emotions that are inside of you and will make it easier for you to let go of the past.

Plan for your new future.

Take back control of your life by setting goals for yourself, make plans for what you want in life, decide how much money you want to make and work on a roadmap to get you where you want to be, one step at a time. And while you’re at it, work on developing a stronger relationship with your Self.

How do you build your self-confidence after narcissistic abuse?

Start your day with gratitude and positive thoughts.

Instead of reaching over for your cell phone to check the weather or to see if your Clash of Clans village was raided overnight, spend the time on yourself. Mentally list a few things that make you grateful to be alive. Tell yourself something positive.

  • Give yourself the intention of having a good day.
  • List your positive qualities.
  • Get your day off to a good start with yourself.

Write in a journal.

Your thoughts and life are worth recording. Take time each evening to write for a few minutes. You’ll gain a lot of insight and appreciation for your life. Show yourself that your life matters.

Let go of your avoidance behaviors.

What do you do when you’re feeling emotionally under the weather? Shop? Eat? Get online? Instead of avoiding yourself, sit with yourself.

Just breathe and notice your feelings and body sensations.

Avoiding them just prolongs the cycle. In time, your negative emotions will dissipate without your attempts to hide from them.

Think of meditation as spending quality time with yourself.

Begin with just a few minutes and extend the time as you feel more comfortable. You’ll learn how your mind works by meditating.

Spend time on your personal development.

What do you feel the need to learn?

  • Social skills?
  • Relaxation skills?
  • Networking?
  • Spiritual development?

You spend so much time doing things for your boss, home, and family. Take a break and spend some time dealing with your own needs.

Have some fun.

Plan some fun in your life. Get a monthly massage or meet a friend for ballroom dance lessons. It’s your life. Enjoy it.

Forgive yourself.

You’ve made a few mistakes and missed out on a few sure-fire opportunities. That’s no reason to beat yourself up for the rest of your life. It’s time to let go of your past and forge ahead.

Groom yourself to a high standard.

Take the time to shower each day and pay a regular visit to the barber or salon. Keep your grooming at a higher standard than others in your environment. Take good care of yourself and show the world how much you mean to yourself.

Spend some time each day being good to yourself.

Have some fun and spend some time on your personal development. Strengthen the most important relationship of all – the one with yourself.

Understand that you are relevant.

You matter to the world. Your opinions matter. Your work matters. Your mere presence matters. You’ve already touched numerous lives in a positive way.

Understand that your greatest mistakes don’t define you.

Your mistakes may have influenced your life, but they’ve only changed who you are if you’ve permitted it. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes you’ve made. Tomorrow is a new day.

Forgive someone that has wronged you.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to let them back into your life or give them another chance. It just means that you’re not going to spend any more time or mental energy holding onto your anger. Be good to yourself and let it go. You’ll impress yourself with your inner strength and enjoy the relief that forgiveness brings.

Think about the best compliments you’ve ever received.

Bask in them. The most meaningful compliments are those that ring true in the depth of your soul. It’s exciting when someone else recognizes the best that we have to offer the world.

Take a stand for something you believe in.

Be bold in your opinion of what’s right and wrong. Be willing to share your interests and hobbies with others. When you love yourself, you can do what interests you without the need for approval from others. Be proud of what’s most important to you.

Be kind to yourself.

The world will be harsh enough on you. Make an effort to be kind to yourself. Remember your good qualities and your strengths.

Be of service to others.

We admire those that give of themselves. You can admire yourself by spending some time each week helping to make someone else’s life a little easier or more pleasant. Find a charity or social organization that addresses a cause that’s near and dear to your heart.

Take care of yourself.

See the doctor and dentist. Pay for a good haircut. Avoid dressing like a slob. Avoid being obsessed with your appearance, but give it the attention it deserves. Make an effort to look your best because you’re worth the time and effort.

Do something nice for yourself.

Take the trip you’ve been putting off. Buy yourself a book. Take a class on a topic that interests you. Buy those expensive sheets for the bed. Don’t do it as a reward. Do it just because you’re wonderful.

Get help if you need it.

No one can handle everything all of the time, and narcissistic abuse recovery isn’t something you want to go alone. Sooner or later, we all need help. That help may come in the form of a trusted friend or professional help. Get the help you need. Remember, you’re worth it.

How well do you know yourself? How well do you manage yourself? Both could always use a little enhancement. It’s not always easy to live with yourself, but remember that you have a lot to offer yourself!

Remember your greatest successes. Remember how amazing you are. You’ve done lots of great things. Remind yourself of them.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Resources

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What to Do When Your Loved One is Suffering

What to Do When Your Loved One is Suffering

Whether your loved one is dealing with an abusive relationship – or an illness, addiction, career change, or other serious issues, it’s hard to watch them suffer. You want to wave a magic wand that makes them happy and solves their issues. However, you don’t have a magic wand. So what can you do?

When your loved one is struggling, you can help in several ways:

1. Avoid letting your fear take over. You may be incredibly worried and concerned, but fear can make things more difficult. It can cloud your judgment and make you choose the wrong path to help those you care about. Ensure that fear isn’t affecting your decisions.

2. Listen to their wishes. Your loved ones may want to talk about big decisions. It’s important to refrain from interrupting them or stop the conversation. As their support system, one of the best things you can do is to listen and pay attention to what they want to say.

  • They may say things that are hard to hear. They may discuss how they want to handle their illness or addiction. They may talk about relocating for a new job or trying a different career path.
  • Avoid the impulse to judge, criticize, or argue. Your loved ones need to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts with you. You may be the only support they have right now.

3. Recognize that you can’t fix everything. It’s tempting to rush around and try to end their suffering, but it’s not possible for you to fix everything in someone else’s life.

  • Accept the limitations and try to make the best of the situation. Understand that sometimes your loved one needs to be in charge and make their own decisions.

4. Ask for help. You don’t have to do everything alone. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. Many times, it takes great strength to ask for help.

  • You may be using a great deal of energy to help your loved one. To be at your best, take time to take care of yourself, too. If you’re sick, worn out or tired, then you can’t be an effective helper.
  • Reach out to others to grow your network of support so you can get help when it’s necessary.

5. Be careful how you try to cheer them up. One of your natural responses may be to try to cheer up your loved one. However, this may not work out well. Be sensitive to their emotions.

  • If you try to show them pictures or videos of happier times, they may become sadder.
  • If you try to invite friends over and throw a party, they may feel uncomfortable and out of place.
  • Even comfort food may not be effective in cheering them up. They may be on a special diet or have difficulty eating. Your cooking efforts may be wasted, and you may end up resenting the time you spend making special dishes.
  •  Before you jump in and try to cheer up others, stop and think about how they really feel.

You can reduce the suffering of your loved one. You have the power and the ability to lighten their burden. Try these techniques to help you both get through this challenging time.

How to Build the Courage to Leave an Abusive Partner

When you’re in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to see the way out. But, you don’t have to be trapped in a relationship with an abusive partner. Here’s some help.

How do you safely leave an abusive partner?

Discover how to separate yourself from them in a safe way by using these strategies:

Be honest with yourself about why you haven’t already left.

Understand why you stay. You can’t gain the courage to leave until you understand why you’re staying. Are these reasons preventing you from leaving,

  • Maybe you’re staying out of fear.
  • You may feel stuck in the relationship because it’s the only thing you have right now. Despite the issues, it’s a familiar place. You may even feel secure in the familiarity.
  • You might even stay because you feel that you deserve to be punished. You’re worried that you won’t be able to find someone else who is better. And, because of the abuse, you may feel responsible for the situation.
  • In addition, perhaps you believe that you can fix the issues. You may think that if you love your partner enough, then they will stop being abusive.

Focus on getting stronger, mentally and emotionally.

 Strengthen your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is at the root of many abusive relationships. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem will help you gain the courage to leave the abuser. You can start by acknowledging that your self-esteem needs work.

  • Look for causes for your low self-esteem. Were your parents perfectionists who expected too much from you? Did you feel inadequate growing up or at work? Once you have the answers, you can work to resolve your feelings about your past. You can put the past in the past and ensure that these negative feelings don’t affect who you are today.
  •  To raise your self-esteem, do a nice thing for yourself each day. Pay attention to what others say about you that is positive. Journal about it or take notes, so you always have a reminder of your positive aspects.

Set up a proper support system.

Get outside help. It may benefit you to get help from friends, family, or others. You may need to turn to therapy or a doctor. In some cases, outside help is needed to leave an abusive relationship.

  • Your friends, family, coworkers, or others may be able to assist you so you won’t be alone and can develop the courage to leave. There may also be community resources, nonprofits, and organizations that can help.
  • You might want to work with a therapist or a coach.

Consider the costs.

Figure out your finances. Are you scared to leave your partner because you depend on them financially? Maybe you’re dealing with financial abuse, too? If you know that you’re financially secure, then it’s easier to leave.

  •  When you have a job, set money aside that your abuser can’t access. You can also ask friends or family to contribute to your savings.
  • When you don’t have a job, you have to be more creative. You may be able to save money from the stipends you receive. You may be able to sell some items.
  • Even if you’re not certain about your finances, you can make plans for the future. Prepare for a job that can support you after this relationship ends.

You don’t have to stay with an abusive partner out of fear. Relationships can be difficult to end, but it’s not impossible. Figure out a way to escape and leave them, even if you need someone to help you do it. There are resources and people who can help you get out of your abusive situation and get started in a healthier life.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

 

 

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7 Disadvantages of Aggressiveness

7 Disadvantages of Aggressiveness

You may know a few aggressive people who seem to do well for themselves, but they could be doing even better. Aggressiveness works, to a point, because most people avoid confrontation. However, confrontational people are disliked and suffer in many other ways.

Aggressive people often find themselves alone, disrespected, and unable to reach the highest levels of success.

If you’ve considered adopting an aggressive personality, you might want to reconsider. There are better options.

Consider these disadvantages of being too aggressive:

1. You show little respect for others and receive little respect in return. Aggressiveness ignores the rights and interests of others. The message is clear: your needs are more important than those of anyone else. As you can imagine, people aren’t thrilled when faced with an aggressive person. They may fear him, but they certainly don’t respect him.

2. Your relationships suffer. Your personal relationships are limited to those that lack self-esteem. Anyone else will avoid you as much as possible. At work, you won’t be able to trust anyone. When the only person that matters to you is yourself, you don’t matter to anyone else. Everything in life is better when your relationships are thriving.

3. Your self-esteem suffers. Down deep, aggressive people believe they can’t be successful any other way. The only way they believe they can compete is to steamroll the competition. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re treating others poorly. If aggressive behavior appeals to you, ask yourself why. How would you rate your self-esteem, Do you think being aggressive would be as attractive to you if your self-esteem were higher, Do the aggressive people you know have high self-esteem,

4. Aggressiveness hurts your progress in the long-term. Aggressiveness can be very effective in the short-term, but hinders your long-term progress. You don’t get the support you need to ride to the highest levels. Give yourself all the help you can get by avoiding overly aggressive behavior.

5. You’ll be alone. Aggressive people struggle to create and maintain meaningful personal and professional relationships. There aren’t too many people that spend time with aggressive people by choice.

6. You fail to develop other skills. When aggression works for you, you fail to develop the other skills necessary to succeed in life and in relationships. You become a sort of “one trick pony.” Think about the aggressive people you know. They’re aggressive in most, if not all, situations. Now consider how others feel about them, too.

7. Others will attempt to derail your efforts. Life is easier when others are willing to help you. When you’re aggressive, most people secretly want you to fail. Some are bold enough to make it a point to get in your way. Isn’t life tough enough without having others intentionally sabotaging your efforts, Avoid making enemies.

Assertiveness is a positive and more beneficial option than aggressiveness. Assertiveness is viewed as a confident and agreeable trait. To be assertive, give your opinions, work constructively with others, and practice living a life of integrity. It’s also important to communicate clearly, directly, and to have excellent listening skills.

Assertiveness requires more skill than aggression, but the results are more pleasing and less limited over the long haul.

Aggressiveness has multiple disadvantages. You’re ultimately forced to take on the world alone. No one wants to help you or spend time with you. Those around you resent you, even if you manage to get your way. Consider a more assertive approach in your life. You’ll be more respected, liked, and admired.

5 Steps to an Authentic Self-Image After Narcissistic Abuse

5 Steps to an Authentic Self-Image After Narcissistic Abuse

Your self-image is the way you view yourself. You might view yourself as a parent, construction worker, friend, blonde, sports fan, intelligent, impatient, and middle-aged. But you’re more than your career, gender, and age. You’re more than your parents’ opinion.

You’re a unique person with nuances that are unique to you!

When who you are aligns with what you do, you’re living authentically. But most of us view ourselves as one way and live another. Authentic people act honestly and congruently.

The benefits of this congruency are enormous: success, self-esteem, respect from others, and inner peace.

Those that live lives misaligned with their values, beliefs, and attitudes suffer from more anxiety, guilt, and shame. It might seem easier to live up to the expectations of others in the short-term, but the long-term costs are significant.

Follow these steps to determine your true self and live life on your terms:

1. Identify your core values. An authentic self-image is one that is aligned with your values. By knowing your values, you’ll gain an understanding of what is important to you. Once you’re aware of your values, you can build a self-image and life that are more meaningful and enjoyable. Make a list of your values. Create a long list and include everything that you think applies to you. Then, reduce your list to the ten values that are most important to you. You might struggle to narrow your list to just ten, but ten values are plenty.

2. Determine if you have any conflicts. For example, you might say that adventure and freedom are two of your most important values, but what if you also strongly favor responsibility and security, Those values could be in conflict.

  • When you’re faced with an inner conflict, you’re likely to shut down and do nothing. If you’ve ever been paralyzed while making a decision, it’s possible your values were in conflict. Think back to when you’ve struggled to make a decision and see if it’s true.
  • Do you have any values listed that aren’t really priorities for you, We often carry around perspectives instilled by our parents. Here’s a newsflash: they may have been wrong. Take the time to determine your values for yourself. Disregard what society says you should value. You’re an individual.

3. Create an action plan for each value. Imagine one of your values is frugality. You could create a budget and savings plan that incorporates that value. You might plan to start clipping coupons, visit less expensive stores, and search for free entertainment options available on the weekends.

4. Make a list of activities you enjoy that are in alignment with your values. For example, if generosity is a priority, you could find an enjoyable way to spend your time helping others. If health is a value you cherish, you could join a soccer team or a yoga class. Find your favorite sport and participate.

5. Evaluate yourself at the end of each day. Think about the instances when you failed to live according to your values. Likewise, contemplate the times you were able to live according to your values and self-image, particularly when doing so was challenging.

Create a self-image that is in alignment with your values. First, it is necessary to identify and choose your values. Next, construct a life that allows you to live those values consistently and to thrive. Authenticity eliminates many of the common emotional ailments in life, but it’s not always the easiest choice.

Be bold enough to choose the person you want to become and live accordingly. The benefits are enormous. What are your values,

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