Sadistic Narcissism

Sadistic Narcissism

While not all narcissists can be described as sadists, narcissism and sadism go hand in hand. Let’s explore the relationship between sadism and narcissism, as well as the psychology of sadistic narcissists.

How is sadism different than narcissism?

Once you begin to learn the traits of a sadist, you might have trouble distinguishing them from people who have narcissistic personality disorder. Both are manipulative, arrogant, disdainful, indifferent, critical of others, controlling of others, and lacking in empathy. Both will seek to isolate their targets through the use of contempt to encourage social alienation.

What is sadism?

Sadism is the enjoyment of cruelty in others, including in oneself. To be titled a sadist, this enjoyment must be intentional, not accidental. The term is derived from the name of Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century philosopher, and writer who got pleasure from inflicting pain on others.

The diagnostic criteria of the DSM-IV-TR, a catalog of distinctive symptoms used by mental health professionals to categorize psychological conditions, lists sadism as a potential symptom of certain personalities. In particular, it is considered a symptom of antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy, and paranoid personality disorder. In the context of BDSM, the term “sadomasochism” is used.

What are the traits of a sadist?

  • Sadists are known for their aggressive or dominant behavior that stems from a desire to impose their will on others, whether they be friends or strangers.
  • Sadists often portray themselves as victims of circumstances beyond their control.
  • Sadists are people who have a strong interest in inflicting pain on others, especially if they derive pleasure from the suffering of others. That sounds like a lot of online commenters, doesn’t it?
  • A sadist is someone who takes pleasure in pain, malice, or suffering.
  • They don’t care about their partners, their children or even themselves.
  • They often make you feel like an object without a past or a future or a reason to exist.
  • They can be charming at first but eventually, they reveal their true nature and make you feel small, insignificant, and worthless.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a deeply rooted personality trait whose roots may be traced to childhood experiences. For the most part, when we’re referring to narcissism, we’re talking about the kind that might also be a personality disorder – usually a cluster B personality disorder. When we say “narcissist” what we really mean is someone who is a malignant narcissist or pathological narcissist.

What are the traits of a narcissist?

  • Extreme lack of emotional and compassionate empathy for other people
  • May or may not be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
  • Has an extremely inflated sense of self-importance.
  • They may engage in grandiose fantasies.
  • Feels that they are special and unique
  • Feels they should have special privileges and allowances of every kind
  • Requires excessive admiration
  • Thinks that only they are acceptable and deserving of love
  • Bragging/requiring admiration for their accomplishments and attributes

How are narcissism and sadism connected?

  • Sadism is one of the dark triad traits, along with narcissism and psychopathy.
  • More than a third of people who are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder reportedly have a sadistic side.
  • Narcissists tend to be self-absorbed and self-centered. They often have no empathy for others and have difficulty identifying with the feelings or feelings of others – which leads to a lack of concern for their well-being and safety.
  • A sadist enjoys inflicting pain on others or being the cause of others’ pain. This may include aggression, cruelty, lack of empathy, and indifference to victimization. In other words, people who exhibit these character traits tend to derive pleasure from the suffering of others.
  • Sadistic narcissists combine these two personality traits into one very dangerous combination: they enjoy inflicting pain on others and enjoy seeing others hurt as well.

What is sadistic narcissism?

If sadism is to love (and/or lust after) another person’s pain, then it certainly can coexist with narcissism. Sadistic narcissism seems to be almost ingrained into the person displaying it, which is sort of possible since it most often begins to develop as early as infancy and is dependent on how the mother bonded with the child, or not. It is often also the result of being controlled, ignored, over-controlled, and/or otherwise traumatized later in childhood during important developmental years. People who become sadistic narcissists often use their lack of empathy and cunning nature to get ahead in business (ethically or otherwise) and to attract the partners they want, who will often later become their victims.

What are the traits of a sadistic narcissist?

A narcissistic sadist is someone who has both a sadistic personality and a tendency toward narcissism. The narcissist-sadist combo is especially dangerous because it can create intimidation and fear in their victims, making them more vulnerable to further abuse.

  • Feel superior to others.
  • Can be shockingly cold to people, and also irresistibly kind and warm if and when it suits them.
  • Indifferent to punishment (which allows them to get away with things they wouldn’t otherwise be able to)
  • Lack empathy.
  • Highly manipulative
  • Use their knowledge of others’ weaknesses to control them.
  • Find pleasure in the suffering of others and in treating others as objects – in other words, they treat people like things.
  • Take pleasure in hurting others by inflicting pain or humiliation, or by taunting them with cruel jibes.

.How do you deal with a sadistic narcissist?

There are several steps you can take to deal with a sadistic narcissist.

  • First, you’ll need to recognize that the abuse is happening. Maybe that sounds funny to you, but it is really difficult sometimes to even recognize the abuse from a sadistic narcissist, thanks to the extreme mind games they’re prone to play. In fact, many victims will describe their abusive relationships as normal and even good before they realized they were being abused. Narcissistic abuse, in general, can be subtle and sneaky, so don’t beat yourself up if you’ve missed it.
  • After you’ve recognized the abuse and you’ve started to learn about what you’ve been dealing with, you’ll want to know more about both narcissists and about narcissistic abuse. This is normal – take your time and do the research you need to do to fully understand it. But don’t stay stuck in research forever!
  • You’re going to want to assemble a sort of support system to help hold you up during this process. Start by identifying the people closest to you who you can completely trust. Don’t be surprised if this group is very small. You can also look for local support groups if you feel comfortable with in-person support.
  • In any case, connecting with others who have also experienced being victimized by sadistic narcissists can be incredibly validating and can help in your recovery. Whether you’re worried about face-to-face contact because you’re afraid people will find out what you’ve experienced, or because you don’t like crowds, or because you’re struggling with fear or even just social anxiety, you might not love the idea of connecting in person.
  • You might also not know anyone you can trust with this particular problem because those who understand won’t support you, or because no one understands at all. In that case, and even if you just want a little extra support, you can look into online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups, or you can seek help from professionals who can provide support and guidance as you begin the healing process.

Or, you can start your narcissistic abuse recovery right now, right here.

Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today

Online help is readily available for survivors of narcissistic abuse. If you feel you need additional help and support in your narcissistic abuse recovery, look for a trauma-informed professional trained in helping people who are dealing with overcoming narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships. Depending on your particular situation, you might benefit from Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching, or you might do better with a therapist. But, first, you have to decide what to do from here – if you’re unsure, start with my free Narcissistic Abuse Recovery quiz. With your results will come recommended resources for your situation. Here are some options to begin healing from narcissistic abuse right away.

5 Key Differences Between A Narcissist And A Sociopath

5 Key Differences Between A Narcissist And A Sociopath

Is a narcissist the same thing as a sociopath? A lot of people mistakenly think so, which is understandable considering that they share many of the same characteristics and that they’re both on the cluster B spectrum. (See video here)

What qualities do narcissists and sociopaths share?

Both narcissists and sociopaths can be very charming and charismatic. Each is known for being self-serving and manipulative, and they each tend to have no empathy. Both have personality disorders and value themselves above all others. Both are known to harm others and to negatively affect their own lives with their behaviors. Neither can step outside of their own heads enough to recognize or concern themselves with the needs of others, but each is fully focused on their own needs. It is also true that all sociopaths are narcissists. But not all narcissists are sociopaths.

How are narcissists and sociopaths different?

In most cases, sociopaths, who might be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, are a lot more dangerous than those who are purely narcissistic. That is unless you’re talking about a malignant narcissist, who might present very much like a sociopath, but their motivations are different.

Let’s talk about five ways this manifests differently between the two personality disorders.

1. A Narcissist is Motivated by Ego and a Sociopath is Motivated by Self-Interest

The narcissist’s destructive and manipulative behaviors are all about feeling important and superior and being the center of attention, and this is driven by their overinflated ego that needs constant stroking – aka, narcissistic supply. But a sociopath’s self-interest doesn’t require stroking in the same way – so the sociopath will be whomever they need to be in order to get their needs met.

So, what’s the difference?

Since sociopaths really don’t need to have their ego stroked, they can be more sneaky and strategic with their manipulation. They don’t need you to be impressed with them and will only seek out your approval if you have something they want. They have no actual personality.

A narcissist, on the other hand, needs your approval and your attention. And since they are ego-driven, they will be less calculated in their reactions and behavior. So the narcissist is more likely to demonstrate narcissistic rage and to react emotionally than a sociopath.

2. A Narcissist Wants to Be Adored and a Sociopath Could Care Less.

Narcissists need to be adored. They are very concerned with their own image and how other people perceive them. They are known to want power, success, and plenty of admiration and adoration from the people around them and while they’re often willing to work hard to get it, they’ll also exploit and torture people along the way without a second thought. Their motivation and focus are all about themselves and their own agenda (getting the praise and attention they need). Again, they’re driven by their ego, so that makes sense.

But a sociopath doesn’t care what anyone thinks of them, which makes them more dangerous. They will spend months or years planning and scheming against you if it serves them to do so. They are much more calculating and far less emotional overall.

3. A Narcissist Talks About Themselves And A Sociopath Talks About You

As you know, narcissists only want to talk about themselves and their interests. At least after the initial love-bombing or idealization phase of the relationship, where they’ll ask you all about yourself in order to store up ammunition to use against you later. But as the relationship goes on, they make it painfully clear that they have no interest in what you care about and will always turn the topic back to themselves. In fact, many survivors of relationships with narcissists literally almost forget how to talk about themselves because they grow so accustomed to being shut down this way.

But sociopaths are very interested in knowing about your interests and everything else about you. They will ask you about what you like and what strikes your fancy. They often masquerade as empaths – as in, they appear to really care about you. They know exactly what to say and how to hold themselves so it’s almost impossible to tell that they don’t genuinely care about you. But remember that they have no empathy. They have their own reasons for caring. If they want something from you later on, they will use anything to do with your interests as a manipulation tactic to get what they want. Sociopaths are often so smooth that you miss the fact that they’re manipulating you – at least at first.

For example, a sociopath asks you what your favorite band happens to be. If you say Fleetwood Mac, they will surprise you with a Fleetwood Mac CD. It is not from the goodness of their heart. They want something from you and are using this as a jumping-off point to get it from you.

4. Neither Care About The Rules, But For Different Reasons

You already know that a narcissist is not concerned about the rules due to the fact they are so self-absorbed that they are not even aware of the rules. Or, in many cases, they literally feel that they’re above the rules or deserve special exceptions to every rule.

But a sociopath does not care about the rules for the sake of manipulating situations for their purpose. If they can get away with breaking the rules (or even the laws), they’ll do so without remorse if it serves them.

5. Narcissists Are Mean But Sociopaths Have Plans To Take You Down

This is where you see how dangerous a sociopath is as opposed to a narcissist who is mostly dangerous for your mental health. Narcissists are bullies and braggarts. They can also mess with your head, especially if they see you as a threat to their ego or fear abandonment. And, of course, that’s when they’ll throw your most painful experiences and insecurities back in your face in order to hurt you if and when they feel the need to drag you down.

So, for example, if you tell a narcissist that you are insecure about your weight, they might later try to make you feel bad about yourself by suddenly beginning to point out people who are thinner than you and telling you how attractive those people are. And then, once you’re good and insecure, you might tell them it bothers you that they’re doing this. Instantly, the narcissist will freak out and attack you, swearing that you’re excessively jealous and controlling. They’ll say something like, “What, do you want me to close my eyes and not look at people? There are other people in the world. I’m not blind!”

In this case, the narcissist is out to take your self-esteem down a couple of notches so that you’ll feel like you can’t do any better than them. The idea is that you’re more likely to stick around and be their source of narcissistic supply if you don’t feel good enough about yourself.

So once again, the narcissist is driven by ego and the need for ongoing, reliable narcissistic supply.

Sociopaths, on the other hand, will do what they can to take you down (or out completely) if they see you are trying to get in the way of what they want, even if that means you just won’t give them your time and attention. And, regardless of who you are and what your relationship happens to be, you aren’t exempt from a sociopath’s manipulation and abuse.

In fact, even if you aren’t purposely causing them trouble, but they perceive you as a threat to them or their end goals in any way, they will strategically destroy you in any way they can, and without remorse. Sociopaths want to win and will do it at the expense of anyone.

Are you dealing with a narcissist or sociopath? You might be interested in our free and low cost services.

 

 

‘Love’ with a Sociopath: The Cookie Illustration

‘Love’ with a Sociopath: The Cookie Illustration

~THE COOKIE ILLUSTRATION~

What is ‘love’ with a sociopath like?

Well, imagine there’s a vending machine in front of you with one big red button that says, ‘FREE COOKIES’. At first, the cookies are so delicious.. so euphoric. But afterward, every time you press the button, you receive a painful electric shock.

But you keep pressing the button, hoping.. becoming frantic. After about the 99th time of getting shocked, you get a broken chip of a cookie.

You actually feel sad, yet you are thankful for at least having this broken piece of cookie.

When you finish the broken cookie, you realize you would gladly get shocked another 99 times to get another broken piece of cookie. Desperation is now a daily occurrence.

So you continue, accepting the malfunction and the biting pain of each shock. You now live on your knees in front of the cookie vending machine.

Then one day, the cookies stop coming.

That’s ‘love’ with a sociopath. It’s not real love–this is trauma bonding.

Only you can stop it.

This is the behavior of addiction.

~~

And…that machine is deriving power from harming you. Power that it will use to continue harming you as long as you stay.

Do you want a better life? Then do the work of recovery.

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