What is your core wound? Narcissistic Abuse Recovery FAQ
As you go through the narcissistic abuse recovery process, one of the biggest breakthroughs you can have is to discover, understand and overcome your core wound – the biggest issue that’s holding you back in your life and preventing you from getting what you really want.
In today’s vlog extra, I’ll tell you what a core wound is and offer several examples – plus, I’ll help you start to discover yours.
“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.”– Anne Frank
You know how sometimes you KNOW that a certain choice is going to cause you a negative consequence, but you make it anyway?
Maybe you go ahead and have that second helping even though you’re not really hungry, or maybe you give up your attempt to cut back on your caffeine consumption.
Whatever your poison, you use it willingly – it’s become an unfortunate habit.
And of course, as we all know so well, many of our habits make happiness elusive. You’d be surprised how much joy you can feel when you eliminate these habits. Changing your habits isn’t easy, but it can be done if you’re committed.
Be willing to challenge the status quo if you want to see a real change in your mood.
Avoid these habits and you’ll enjoy greater happiness, guaranteed.
1. Worrying about what everyone else thinks – concerning yourself with the opinions of others. You could be perfect in every possible way, and someone will still criticize you. There’s no possible way to impress everyone. Instead, focus on making yourself happy and surround yourself with those who are happy for you.
2. Hating on yourself – engaging in negative self-talk. There’s no reason to make life even more challenging. Nip your negative self-talk in the bud and replace it with something positive.
3. Focusing on lack instead of abundance. Always wanting more than you have. If you’re living under a park bench, it’s natural to want a home. But as long as you have what you need, wanting more can be a source of stress and frustration. Strive for more if you like, but be reasonable. No one needs a personal jet or a $10 million home. The point is that you’ll never have “enough” if you can’t be grateful for what you have. So get your gratitude on, girl.
4. Trying to keep up with the Joneses. Comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own unique strengths, weaknesses, past, and challenges. If you want to make a reasonable comparison, compare your current situation to your situation 5 years ago. If you’ve made progress, celebrate. If you haven’t, figure out why and get busy.
5. Beating yourself up over mistakes. Mistakes are a daily part of life. Learn from them and move on toward a brighter future. Has torturing yourself ever provided any benefit?
6. Failing to accept responsibility for your life. Blaming others. Believing that someone else is a cause of the difficulty you’re experiencing is harmful, because you lose control. If you believe that your situation is your own doing, you have the power to fix it. Regardless of whom is to blame, it’s still your responsibility to handle it.
7. Saying “yes” to every request. Most of us need a little down time to regenerate. By saying yes to everything, you rob yourself of this important time. You’ll also find yourself spending time on many activities that you simply don’t enjoy. Learn to say “no” when necessary.
8. Not living your life in the now. Waiting for perfect conditions. Whether you’re waiting for the perfect time to have children or start your own business, that perfect time will never arrive. Get started right away on the activities that mean the most to you. Time is ticking away.
9. Being closed-minded and set in your ways. Avoiding new experiences. What’s the point in living the same day repeatedly? You only have so many years on Earth. Get the most out of it and live a life of many experiences.
10. Expecting it all to happen overnight. Trying to change too much at once. Humans are remarkably adaptable in the long term. However, it’s very challenging to make major changes in the short term. Make smaller changes in your life and build upon them. You can’t change much in a week, but you can make major changes over a year or more.
Are your habits putting a damper on your mood? Your habits create your life. Evaluate your habits and determine which are negatively affecting your ability to enjoy life. Happiness might be closer than you think. Give it a shot.
Thoughts? Share them in the comments – let’s talk about this.
Are you truly happy? Can you say that you LOVE your life? Is there anything you’d like to change, or something you think you NEED to change in order to be truly happy?
Do you believe that you deserve to be truly fulfilled and ecstatic about your life? The truth is that finding happiness is the right of every human being alive, and you’re no exception.
What would you say if I told you that you could find your personal bliss, starting right now, without a doubt?
If I guaranteed you that if you tried these methods, you could find true happiness within 24 hours?
Or how about if I told you that you could do it instantly?
“(It’s) someone who’s personal charisma and appeal make him stand out like a bonfire at midnight,” he writes. “There’s just something about them that’s absolutely magnetic. They draw the attention (and desire) of people around them, seemingly without conscious effort.”
“It’s not because they talk loud, look like a supermodel, or do things to draw attention to themselves,” Henry adds, noting that her definition of the “It factor” involves three main points:
Confidence with humility
Genuine interest in others
A personal mission or “why” that is bigger than them
However it’s defined, we all know the “it factor” (also known as the “X factor”) when we see it. But while some people are born with it, others don’t come by it naturally.
Good news, though! You can be, do and have anything you want, if you believe it. So that obviously includes getting a little bit of that “It Factor” for yourself?
So how do you do that? Well, you do it by bumping up on your confidence, your charisma and your charm! And more good news.
You don’t even have to leave this page to get started. Here’s a comprehensive plan to help you start developing your own “it factor.” Ready? Let’s go.
Get the “It Factor”: 8 Steps to Irresistible Self-Confidence
Reading self-improvement articles and books can be a good investment in yourself. However, unless you make a real effort to apply the strategies to your life, little is likely to change. There’s a big difference between knowing how to do a pushup and doing 100 pushups each day. Knowing what it takes to become self-confident won’t get the job done. Application is critical.
Follow this plan to take control of your self-confidence:
1. Embrace change. Change is uncomfortable, and there’s a good reason for this. Scientists believe that humans are slow to change because whatever we’re currently doing is perceived as successful. But, our ancient brains had a different idea of what constituted success. In the distant past, staying alive was challenging, and any new behavior might lead to death.
Realize that the discomfort you feel when you try something new is simply old instinct rising to the surface. Being uncomfortable usually isn’t a good reason not to do something. You can still move forward in spite of your discomfort.
Be happy that you’re uncomfortable. It means you’re doing something that might actually change your life. Continuing with your comfortable behaviors won’t make anything different.
2. List the areas where your self-confidence is most lacking. Figure out where you’re feeling a lack of confidence. It might be your ability to learn a new skill or a setting that requires public speaking. It might be in social situations.
Once you target your weaker areas, you can start making the necessary adjustments.
3. Determine your beliefs surrounding the areas where you lack self-confidence. Sticking with the public speaking example, perhaps you’re worried that you’ll say something embarrassing or that your voice isn’t pleasant. If you’re uncomfortable in social settings, maybe you think that you’re not interesting enough.
4. Find the fault with those beliefs. If you’re uncomfortable in dating situations because of your weight, you could find examples of heavier people who have had a lot of success in romantic relationships.
Engage in self-exploration by asking yourself some probing questions. How did you develop this belief? Do you really know that it’s true? Have you tested it?
5. Seek out a mentor. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to find a “guru” to hold your hand. But, there are plenty of people who have confidence in the area where you’re experiencing challenges. Ask for help from someone who’s comfortable in an area where you lack confidence, such as in dating situations or public speaking.
It’s much easier to be confident when you’re an expert. Learn everything you can and you’ll feel better about yourself.
6. Start small, but get started. If you lack confidence in finding a potential romantic partner, try walking through the mall and making eye contact with those you find attractive. Then progress to smiling and saying hello. The next step could be to stop them and ask for directions.
Being confident with one step makes the next one possible.
7. Track your progress. It’s important to see the progress you’re making. Without progress, you won’t stick with your plan. Measure your anxiety on a subjective 1 to 100 scale in different situations. Celebrate when you see progress!
8. Evolve your plan over time. Just as the same workout routine leads to stagnation, working on your self-confidence in the same fashion over a long period of time will lead to less than optimal results. Constantly evaluate and tweak your action plan.
If you lack confidence in yourself, it’s hard to try new things or grow as a person. Create an action plan that addresses your self-confidence levels, and strive to achieve the level of confidence you deserve.
How to be Charismatic in any Situation: A 4-Point Plan
Everyone knows charisma when they see it, yet it’s hard to define. Being charismatic is similar to being charming, but they’re not quite the same thing. Regardless, most people would agree that being charismatic is a good thing. Charismatic people are wonderful to be around and tend to lead successful lives. Who wouldn’t want to be more charismatic?
There are few characteristics that will do more to enhance your life than a possessing a high level of charisma. You’ll be happy to know that it’s a learnable skill, rather than one you’re just born with.
If you’d like to increase your charisma, follow these tips:
1. Learn to be fully present in all your interactions. Think about the charismatic people you know. Aren’t they fully engaged with you when you’re speaking? They make you feel like you’re the most fascinating person in the room.
Maintaining your focus and listening intently are great ways to accomplish this. Act like you’re in the midst of the most important and interesting conversation you’ve ever had. Listening and interacting makes the other person feel interesting and important.
2. Practice warmth. Have you ever had a charismatic person treat you coldly or say something that insulted you? Of course not! Interacting with charismatic people is a pleasant experience. A huge part of being charismatic is making people feel good about themselves.
Be supportive and positive. People will thank you for it.
3. Make others believe you’re powerful. This is really the difference between being charming and being charismatic. Anyone can be charming. A petty thief, homeless person, or even a child can be charming. But these people lack the ability to be charismatic, unless they can make you believe they’re powerful. Most of us aren’t famous, wealthy, or influential. But fortunately, it’s possible to make others believe you’re powerful, without being dishonest. Here’s how you can do it.
Dress the part. It’s rare to see a powerful individual dress in baggy khakis with frayed cuffs, and a faded, undersized golf shirt. Make an effort to look the part. Ensure your style is current and you’re not underdressed. Wear clothes that fit!
Work on your nonverbal behavior. If you’ve ever been in a meeting with a high-level executive, it’s easy to pick them out. There’s just something about the way they stand, sit, and move. Watch movies with powerful characters and observe their non-verbal behaviors.
Be confident. It’s easy to be confident in situations where you know you have the upper hand. It’s tougher when you know that you don’t. But, if you can learn to be confident in all social situations, others will assume you have the upper hand.
4. Drop the ego. Have you ever met someone who’s super confident, but doesn’t have an ego? How’s that possible? When you’re charismatic, others believe you’re important, without it seeming like you’re more important than they are.
After all, isn’t charisma largely about making others believe they’re amazing? Being powerful and confident simply makes your opinion more relevant to them.
Charisma is simply charm coming from a position of power. And it can be learned! Fortunately, it’s possible to seem powerful, even if you’re not. Increasing your level of charisma is a very worthwhile endeavor. Your social and professional lives will be forever changed.
About the book:
Collected and curated by life coach and author Angela Atkinson, this ebook is also a toolkit that contains everything you’ll need to identify your issues and begin to resolve them, one baby step at a time.
Could you use:
Practical and easy ways to create serious change in your life, right now.
Expert ideas for coping with stress and thriving despite it.
Self-care advice that will help to improve both your self-confidence and your relationships.
Advice on dealing with difficult people and repairing damaged relationships.
Tips for creating and enforcing personal boundaries.
Advice for loving yourself and truly accepting yourself so that you can realize your true potential.
An understanding of how your perception creates your reality.
Here’s a Preview Of What You’ll Learn Inside.
Heal Broken Relationships With This 4-Step Process to Increase Dialogue
Zap Stress With These 5 Tips to Increase Your Patience
Conquer Social Anxiety With These 5 Tips to Increase Your Courage
Become a Better Leader: 4 Steps to Boost Your E.Q.
8 Habits That Guarantee Success
7 Tricks to Boost Your Memory
4 Key Attitudes for a Happy Life
The Top 5 Ways to Nurture a Healthy Body Image
Get Off the Diet Roller Coaster: 6 Tips for Making Your Weight Loss Last
Top 10 Tips for Enhancing Your Emotional and Mental Health
18 Ways to be Happier
14 Intrinsic Motivation Secrets for Making Everything Better
7 Steps to Having a Great Day
Top 10 Strategies to Overcome Anger and Gain Peace
9 More Life Lessons You Weren’t Taught in School
5 Indicators of a True Friendship
6 Tips for Getting Through the Hard Times
This book is exactly what you’ve been looking for if you’re at a point in your life where you know you’re ready for some serious changes, but you’re not exactly sure where to start. It offers powerful and simple secrets, tricks and baby steps that will help take your life from not-so-great to over the moon.