What is your core wound? Narcissistic Abuse Recovery FAQ
As you go through the narcissistic abuse recovery process, one of the biggest breakthroughs you can have is to discover, understand and overcome your core wound – the biggest issue that’s holding you back in your life and preventing you from getting what you really want.
In today’s vlog extra, I’ll tell you what a core wound is and offer several examples – plus, I’ll help you start to discover yours.
July 6, 2016, something kind of unexpected happened to me – I accidentally found a connection with a whole bunch of other people across the world, who, luckily, included my kids.
In fact, I was far from alone – and within 24 hours of the game hitting the US app stores, the game had more active users than freaking Tinder!
Yeah, I’m talking about Pokemon Go, the app that has taken over your Facebook news feed and has already changed the lives of millions. But this one’s different than Candy Crush and all kinds of other games I never managed to get addicted to – it’s a whole other thing.
See, the way the game is played, it almost forces you to go out and move your butt a little, and to do so in places in the community around you.
You’re a Poke trainer and you are tasked with a few different things – including collecting/catching/hunting these little Pokemon creatures (monsters?) who you can then train and use to battle other players at the Pokemon gym.
But here is the reason I’m talking about this today – I believe that this app could literally change our society.
I’ve met neighbors I didn’t know before. I’ve run into all kinds of people that I couldn’t have or wouldn’t have ever run into – and I’ve got a whole new way to connect with my kids.
And what’s better is the latest news: apparently, people are reporting lots of benefits – in addition to the obvious benefits (moving your ass and getting into the community more often), there’s the whole mental health factor.
(Not to mention that local landmarks and businesses are seeing more traffic than ever – our St. Louis Zoo seeems to find itself busier than ever since that date).
And, while I’m brimming with ideas on how this app could change the whole world, I’m even more excited about the mental health part.
“In terms of the phenomena of people expressing the benefits of playing the game to their real-world mental health status, I think that’s very unique and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that,” Dr. John Grohol, the founder of Psych Central, told Engadget.
“The research is really, really clear on this, that the more you exercise, the more it would help decrease feelings of depression,” he told the tech news site. “It actually works as an anti-depressant and it has a really, pretty strong effect. It’s probably one of the most beneficial things a person with depression can do, especially if they’re not accessing other types of treatments, such as psychotherapy or medication.”
“That way of taking a break and letting the mind think about something different is better than smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, which is what a lot of people do to de-stress,” he said.
And, he added, in addition to making people less isolated, an augmented reality game like Pokemon Go does force people to go outside and exercise.
Maybe even better, if you’re hanging out at a Poke-stop and there are 10 or 20 other people there all catching Pokemon, guess what? You’ve got something to talk about.
Of course, it’s a well-documented fact that physical exercise is one of the best ways to combat depression, and almost every other mental health issue. And in addition, the social aspect and the whole changing your scene deal are also standard practice when it comes to getting through the tough times.
Some users say that the game has actually become a better treatment than anything their doctors could prescribe and anything their therapists recommended.
So that’s what I’ve got for today – how about you – are you playing? What do you think about this phenomenon? What other unique ways have you found to get through the hard times? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section and let’s discuss it.
If you’re struggling in a toxic relationship or you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse recovery, there’s a really good chance you might be experiencing anxiety attacks. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse don’t really understand anxiety attack symptoms – but knowledge is the first step to learning to resolve these issues.
Are you having an anxiety attack?
Did you know that anxiety attack symptoms can sometimes mimic physical problems? It’s true! Anyone who has ever been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist knows intimately what it’s like to be anxious. The scary thing is that the physical symptoms of anxiety and stress can be quite detrimental to your health. Unfortunately, many survivors of narcissistic abuse may be so stressed that they don’t even realize the extent of it or the impact the stress and anxiety could have on their health.
In some cases, the more stress or anxiety you go through, the less likely you are to recognize it. You might have even become so accustomed to their level of stress, and the physical symptoms it produces, that it just feels almost “normal” to you. That’s why learning about and tuning into the symptoms of stress and anxiety can help you to identify potential triggers in your life and in turn help you to better manage them and alleviate the stress and anxiety in your life.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a nervous disorder that is characterized by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, often with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.
What is an Anxiety Attack?
An anxiety attack is similar to a panic attack. It’s what happens when the sudden onset of extreme, intense fear and/or discomfort hits you like a ton of bricks, and it usually peaks within a few minutes. In order to qualify as an anxiety or panic attack, the episode must include at least four of the following symptoms: Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate. Sweating. Trembling or shaking. Shortness of breath or smothering.
What are the symptoms of anxiety?
The physical symptoms of anxiety and stress can vary from one person to the next. Some symptoms may be more serious than others and can even be life-threatening. Some symptoms you experience may be short-term while others may be long-term symptoms.
Short-Term Anxiety Attack Symptoms
Short-term symptoms of anxiety attacks include the following:
Cold hands and feet
Generally, these short-term side effects appear when your body is responding to a perceived threat. This is how your body helps you prepare to either stay and fight the threatening situation or flee from it; a response is commonly known as fight or flight. While this rush of adrenaline and emotions can be helpful in a truly life-threatening situation, it can have negative impacts during times when there is no immediate danger. It’s not always necessary for modern-day humans, but it’s sort of a leftover automatic response our ancestors needed to survive. For survivors of narcissistic abuse, it can leave you feeling frozen or on-edge all the time.
Long-Term Anxiety Symptoms
Over time these physical symptoms can damage your self-confidence, disrupt the quality of your life and reduce the pleasure you get from your work. In addition, when the body is exposed to these physical symptoms over a long period of time your health can actually start to decline. Long term side effects of stress and anxiety include:
• Sexual disorders
• Changes in appetite
• Frequent illness
• Back pain
• Digestive problems
Remember, that one symptom by itself may not necessarily indicate the presence of either short term or long term stress and anxiety. There are other reasons that can result in a single symptom, such as certain medications. The presence of multiple symptoms; however, can indicate a problem. If you notice multiple physical symptoms of anxiety and stress, remember that stress and anxiety management techniques can help you to reduce those symptoms and get back to your old self. Consider checking in with your physician or another medical professional to be sure that you’re not misdiagnosing a bigger problem as anxiety.*
Top 10 Warning Signs That You’re Having an Anxiety Attack
HelpGuide.org lists the following as the top 10 warning signs you’re having an anxiety attack.
The surge of overwhelming panic
The feeling of losing control or going crazy
Heart palpitations or chest pain
Feeling like you’re going to pass out
Trouble breathing or choking sensation
Hot flashes or chills
Trembling or shaking
Nausea or stomach cramps
Feeling detached or unreal
Anxiety attack symptoms can be very scary to go through, but they can be managed with the right tools you need to learn how to cope with the anxiety. Yes, it’s scary, but you don’t have to live in the fear. There is help available.
Self-Help Techniques for Overcoming Anxiety Attacks for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical professional and nothing on this website should be taken as medical advice. See full disclaimer.
Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support
The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups– We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
Feeling Overwhelmed? Take Back Control with this 6-Step Process.
Oh, how trying the stresses of life can be! Having situations that affect your peace of mind can be challenging. And sometimes you feel like you’ve gotten way more than you can handle. Yet still, you find a way to keep going.
It’s great when you can find the determination to keep going. But are you doing so to your own detriment? Perhaps the way you’re responding isn’t always the best.
Coping mechanisms help to keep you in the game. But after a while, you may end up crashing.
The most beneficial approach involves using well thought-out strategies to keep you in control.
Try this process to respond to an especially challenging situation:
Step One: Stop in your tracks.
If you feel overwhelmed now, it’s likely to get even worse if you keep going the way you are now! Stop right where you are and accept the situation for what it is.
Look back at what has happened up until this point in time. Can you identify the reasons behind your downfall? Make a note of them.
Step Two: Embrace your shortcomings.
Do you have shortcomings that prevented you from staying on top of things? Be honest with yourself when trying to identify them. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on to resolving the situation.
Whatever you’ve identified as your shortcomings, accept and embrace them. It’s pointless allowing them to bring your mood down. You’re already overwhelmed. The last thing you need to do is put yourself down.
Step Three: Avoid excuses.
Even though you feel overwhelmed, the last thing you want to do is blame it on something or somebody else. Avoid overlooking yourself as the main factor behind your current situation.
It’s easy in stressful situations to refuse accountability. Just the tension alone is enough to drive your mind in crazy directions. Just accept it for what it is, even if it means coming face to face with your shortcomings.
Step Four: Open up to others.
Share your feelings with someone you can confide in. Simply sharing can often help to ease some of the stress off your shoulders.
Tell the whole story. Allow the person to understand your highs and lows. Let them see how your strengths got you this far. But also share what you think you could have done differently.
Step Five: Organize an approach.
Now that you’ve offloaded, you’ll have a clearer mind to organize an approach. You’ve stopped at this point for a reason.
Now’s your chance to change direction and pull yourself out of this rut.
Now that you’ve figured out what went wrong, try to tackle those things first. You’ll want to prevent those things from happening again.
Step Six: Surround yourself with positive people.
It’s sometimes difficult to take on challenges on your own. As much as you hate to admit it, there are others better at some things than you are!
Embrace them and get the support you need to manage stressful situations. Use the strengths of trustworthy people to get you over the hump.
Be clear about the role you want them to play. Handing over responsibility can be tough. But be mature enough to understand that it doesn’t take away from your own abilities.
Being in over your head isn’t a death sentence. In fact, it’s a perfect opportunity to be creative in your approach. Once you identify an effective approach, you can expect to handle situations more confidently.
Give yourself the chance to be in control. With positive strategies, you’ll be able to take matters into your own hands and turn them around in no time!
“The reason we’re successful, darling? My overall charisma, of course.” ~Freddie Mercury
For some people, like the late, great, crazy-talented-genius Freddie Mercury, being charismatic is a gift.
They’re just born that way. We all know someone that everyone just seems to like – and maybe we wonder how they do that.
What if you aren’t naturally charismatic? Is it possible to become irresistible?
Why do some people just naturally get all the attention while others struggle to even get a supporting role in the movie of their own lives? It’s enough to make you want to scream.
But hey, don’t beat yourself up, if you can relate. You’re not weird or different – you just have your own talents and strengths.
And, I don’t know, the fact that you’re here, reading this article right now? Yeah, that pretty much tells me that one of your strengths is the ability to embrace and create change in your own life, so you’re on the right path. Nice work, friend!
Learn the secrets of irresistible people and use them to your own benefit.
If you’re not naturally one of those people, it might feel easy to just feel a little bit of jealousy or even to indulge in a little haterade. But don’t do that to yourself – there is a much better way to look at this whole thing.
See, the reason you might sometimes feel kind of murder-y toward people who are especially irresistible is that they are obviously getting the attention that you want on some level.
Sure they are – and that’s for a very simple reason. They’re not prettier or smarter or even better in any way, necessarily. It’s all about one simple thing.
Being charismatic can make life easier and more enjoyable.
Yep. It’s that simple. Life is better when you’re a charmer, an irresistible force of wonderful that no one can help but love.
Why is that, anyway?
Think of it this way. Imagine you’re standing outside a door, prepared to walk into a roomful of people. When you enter, you see that the room is filled with everyone you love, and the room bursts into applause as everyone lines up to hug you and catch up.
It feels wonderful when people are happy to see you, right? Of course it does! And, let’s not forget how much easier it is to navigate life when you’ve got plenty of love and support.
Your social life is better and others are more willing to be helpful – and all you have to do is learn to be sort of irresistible, also known as charismatic – you learn become instantly likeable.
Don’t worry if you’re not already there (or even close). I’ve got you covered – here’s where you can start, friend.
9 Habits of Highly Irresistible People
I’ve got some awesome news for you – you don’t have to be born charismatic. It’s actually an easy skill to develop, and one of the best ways I’ve found to create seriously positive changes in my life is to study what successful people (who have already made that change) are doing to get (and stay) where they are.
As a life coach and a ever-studying researcher of human nature, I can tell you that analyzing and emulating the basics of those changes is a super-effective way to create your own sort of blueprint plan to make the changes happen.
Regarding people who are considered “irresistible” or “charming” or even flat-out charismatic by their friends and family members, it turns out they all have a few things in common (in addition to a slightly less stressful life than those less “irresistible” people, obvs.).
So, I figured I’d save you a little time and put this together – here’s my list of the 9 habits of highly charismatic people. What would you add to it? Tell me in the comments section, below, or join us on Facebook to continue the discussion.
“See the things you want as already yours. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession.”
These characteristics are commonly found in highly charismatic people with the most magnetic personalities:
Be empathetic. The ability to understand another’s feelings and point of view is invaluable. It’s frustrating when others fail to understand what we’re thinking and feeling. Be the person that makes the time and effort to get to the heart of the matter.
Be interesting. Only a weather buff wants to talk about the weather! People like to be fascinated and entertained. Boring others doesn’t result in getting more party invitations. The easiest way to have interesting conversations is to have an interesting life. Are you bored a lot of the time? If so, you’re probably boring others, too. Make your life a grand adventure!
Focus on the positive. Who doesn’t like positive, happy people? Being negative and pessimistic becomes tiresome. The people around you are affected by your words, actions, and moods. Make others feel good and they’ll associate those feelings with you.
Be present. A sure way to make someone feel insignificant is to fail to give them your full attention. Put away your phone and keep your eyes on the other person. Listen to what is being said. Anything else is rude and not appreciated.
Keep your word. If others don’t trust you, it makes it difficult for them to like you. Being honest and reliable creates the kind of trust necessary to build and sustain meaningful relationships. Do what you say you’re going to do.
Unless asked, keep your opinions to yourself. When people share their challenges, they already know what to do 90% of the time. They’re just looking for someone to listen and be sympathetic. Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome and can create feelings of resentment. Give advice only when requested.
Remember names. We all feel a little bit of pride when others remember and use our names. It’s also a little insulting when they don’t, even though names are among the most challenging items to remember. People tend to remember in a visual format. It’s not easy to visualize a name.
Do whatever is necessary to remember names and then use them in conversation. Those around you will appreciate it.
Make others feel good about themselves. Many people assume that being more charismatic is the result of being more impressive to others. However, it’s actually about making people feel more impressed with themselves.
If you can make someone feel better about their life and who they are, you’ll have a friend for life.
Build your confidence. Everyone likes to be around someone who’s confident. People that are nervous and uncomfortable tend to make others uncomfortable, too. Strive to find a place between arrogance and self-doubt. Do everything possible to feel good about yourself.
Live a life that fills you with pride. Wear clothes that make you feel great. Be proud of your accomplishments and what you have to offer the world.
If you desire to be more irresistible, you can develop the qualities that draw others to you. If you’re enjoyable and interesting to be around, you’ve already won half the battle. The other half consists of making others feel good about themselves.
Even the most disagreeable people can learn to be very charismatic.
One of the best ways to make life more enjoyable, to say the very least, is to be well-liked by others. What do you think?