The way that you conduct yourself in your personal and professional life begins with how you use your mind. You can teach your mind to accept yourself and gain empowerment – or you can stay stuck in self-defeating behaviors.
You are what you think. When you want to introduce change into your life, you need to first accept and empower yourself before you begin altering anything. Your mind is the greatest tool that you have for living the best possible life that you can live.
Countless studies have shown that the brain is constantly working. Your brain can be wired to think or cause you to act in a certain way based on how you handle your mind’s ability to tap into your subconscious mind.
When you practice mindfulness, you can empower yourself and fine tune the subconscious abilities that you have. Using mindful strategies, you’ll be able to focus better, lower your stress and boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Once you learn to accept yourself, you’ll be able to have compassion for yourself, too. This will defeat any negative internal talk that you may have been practicing. Meditation is a strategy that you can use to achieve mindfulness in order to accept and empower yourself.
It helps users quiet the mind so that they can be fully in the present and accepting of the emotions and thoughts that they have. Choose a place where you’ll be comfortable so that you’ll be able to feel relaxed.
Some people choose to sit while meditating and others prefer to lie down. You can also practice mindful meditation while you’re walking outside or in your home. Relax and focus on what’s around you and how you’re inhaling and exhaling.
Be aware of the sensations you feel and the emotions that you’re experiencing. Another strategy that’s often used is deep breathing. You can start this the same way that you would with mindful meditation where you find a comfortable place and begin.
But you can also practice deep breathing while you’re active at home or at work. You focus on drawing in deep breaths and slowly releasing them. You can also use mindful replacement techniques.
These are strategies that call for you to be aware of the thoughts that you think about yourself rather than simply letting them pass through your mind. Whenever any negative self talk pops into your mind, you make a conscious choice to stop and correct the thought.
You correct it by replacing it with affirming words that help you accept yourself as you are. This helps you reprogram your thoughts to enable you to feel empowered rather than listening to words that hinder you and create self-doubt.
A Mindful Method to Boost Confidence and Self Esteem
Having confidence means that you view yourself favorably. You know that you can do what you need to do, that you have the skills and talents to be able to handle yourself.
You trust that your instincts, thinking, and abilities are sufficient. When you don’t have confidence it means that you struggle to accept who you are. You’ll lack the confidence to do things because you simply don’t trust that you can.
You go through life feeling as if you’re not educated enough, skilled enough, smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough, or handsome enough. You judge yourself, often thinking of what you could have, should have said or done, and you always fall short.
What mindfulness does to help you change this and build your confidence is to replace the feelings that you’re not enough with the trust that you are. Using mindfulness calls for you to not dwell on your past or on any negative experiences where you feel that you failed or fell short.
It helps you to not focus on the future or on what you hope to be and it helps train you to focus on who you are right now and see that who you are is good enough. You learn to accept yourself – and with that, strong confidence in yourself is built.
Practicing mindfulness can also boost your self-esteem. Mindfulness can lead you to a life settled in the present. With living in the present comes a non-judgmental acceptance of who you are.
So many people have an internal voice that’s extremely ugly. This internal voice has been conditioned to speak this way by us. The disturbing results are that when we allow this internal voice to have a negative say, we can trigger stress, anxiety and even depression.
This self-talk has a direct impact on how you feel about yourself. Learn to be aware of this negative self-talk. If you call yourself names, that’s a sign that you’ve been engaging in negative self-talk that can lower your self-esteem.
Some people call themselves stupid or an idiot. When they consider doing something, this internal self-talk always tells them why they can’t. You’ll tell yourself things like “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m too dumb to do it.”
When you allow these thoughts to run rampant, you can get into the mindset that you can’t do something – that you’re unworthy – and then your feelings follow that internal self-talk until it becomes a belief.
This habit can be so ingrained within you that the negative self-talk plays constantly in your mind, so much so that it becomes like white noise. What mindfulness does is bring your attention to the inner dialogue that’s eroding your self-esteem.
You learn what this internal conversation is doing to you and how it’s impacting your emotions. Mindfulness helps you learn to accept who you are without expectations or blaming. You’ll gain skills that you can use to learn how to raise your confidence and acceptance of yourself.
What do you think? Do you struggle with mindfulness? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.
Whether you’re still working on a way to get out or you’ve already left, you’ve got a long road ahead of you when it comes to recovery. One of the biggest hurdles is sort of “reprogramming your brain” in order to let go of the poisonous thoughts and beliefs that the narc’s emotional and mental torture have almost certainly left behind.
When you were actively engaging with the narcissist, you probably eventually stopped trying to make choices of your own. That’s because by doing so, you may have found yourself the victim of added gaslighting and other kinds of covert abuse – maybe even less than covert.
But now that you’ve left, or are planning to leave, you’ve got to learn to choose your own path – and that can begin by simply deciding what you want and then taking the steps you want to get there – simple as that.
Still, when things don’t go your way, do you know how to deal? Can you cope with the hard times on your own?
Ask yourself this: When life isn’t going your way, do you empower yourself to make improvements?
Most people are great at getting themselves worked up into a state that’s anything but empowering, and when you’ve been abused by a narcissist, the effects of PTSD can become overwhelming. When things get challenging, we need all of our resources if we’re really going to turn things around.
1. Be assertive. Because we’ve been abused by these toxic people, many of us have become too passive to ever accomplish anything significant. I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes you have to declare what you want. Sometimes you have to say ‘no’ to others. You don’t have to be selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with making a decision and then making it happen.
4. Stop making excuses.Excuses limit you and prevent you from taking charge of the situation. If you can take responsibility, you can change the situation. Excuses give you a justification for being passive. If you believe that something is outside of your control, you also believe that you can’t do anything to change it.
5. Get more sleep. Most people simply don’t sleep enough to be at their best. Studies have shown that most people experience improved mood, clarity of thought, and increased energy if they increase their sleep by one hour per night. Turn off the TV and go to bed an hour earlier.
8. Forget about expectations. The whole world seems to tell us what we should be doing. What would you do if you were free of all of those expectations? Choose for yourself for a change.
9. Figure out what’s holding you back.Why aren’t you already living your life the way you choose? What’s preventing you? What are you afraid of? What can you do to work around these challenges? Develop a plan to get past this resistance.
Few things are as fulfilling as having full control over your life – and for survivors of narcissistic abuse, it can mean the difference between being happy and fulfilled and being completely destroyed.
Take back control of your life NOW! You’ll feel like there’s nothing you can’t do. The world is just sitting there, patiently waiting for you to take control of your life. Get started today by taking the first steps. A few steps each day become quite significant very quickly.
I live a complete life. A great portion of my daily exploits focuses on the needs of others. I recognize that I am called to be a helping hand, but I also know when to step back and focus on what is important to me.
In my family life, I cater to the needs of my children. They are dependent on me to provide, guide, and support. I take that role seriously and I know that I am loved for it.
I also recognize that time for myself is essential.
I acknowledge the importance of satisfying my needs. When I feel like my life is off balance, I know it is time to pull away from current concerns and find my center.
When I feel a desire for renewal, I let my loved ones know that I need a time out. I am happy to have a family that understands the need for balance and glad that they’re willing and able to let me take some time for myself.
Today, I commit to having a balanced life, focusing equally on those I love and myself. I make time to strengthen my own well-being and renewal, knowing that taking care of myself enables me to be all I can be – for myself and those I love.
1. Do I ever allow myself to get burned out and exhausted?
2. Have I spent time teaching my children how to bring balance into their lives?
3. How can I make more time for myself?
“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.” ~Tyron Edwards
Some habits serve us well, while others may be counter-intuitive to the lives we want to lead. As we pursue our fulfillment and move toward becoming our best selves, inspired action often directs us to create new habits in our lives and discard those which no longer serve us. You can create the life you want–and one important step is to create positive habits.
Creating new habits can feel like a major challenge, but you already know that it’s worth it. The first step to creating new habits is to clear out the ones that aren’t helping you to reach your goals. Your habits are developed over time, and they’re the direct result of repeated thoughts, actions and even emotions that have become implanted in your subconscious mind.
So, your habits, negative or positive, are what you do when you’re on “autopilot.” For example, if you create a habit of sitting down with a bag of chips while you watch the evening news, you may not even be consciously making the decision to eat the chips anymore. You automatically pick up the chips and head to the couch–and before you know it, half the bag is gone and the news is over. And you’re probably ready for dinner. In a few weeks or months, you might notice that your jeans don’t fit as well as they once did–and you might not even realize why.
As you prepare to choose new, more positive habits, you must first determine which habits are not aiding you in your path to ultimate fulfillment. Now here’s the hard part–you have to be completely honest with yourself. We don’t always recognize our habits and the effects they can have on us. You probably already know the answers subconsciously, but sometimes they’re hard to admit. What habits aren’t serving you well? Which ones are taking you away from your desires?
Identifying Negative Habits
Try this quick and simple exercise to help you identify the negative habits that are slowing you down.
1. Make a short list of life goals. For example: I want to be physically fit, a successful career person and an amazing parent.
2. Look at each life goal and consider your habits. Which habits aren’t helping you reach those goals? For example: If you eat something sweet every day at work around 2:00 PM, that isn’t conducive to trying to become physically fit. If you show up ten minutes late every day for work, that’s probably not helping you to become more successful. And if you’re in the habit of yelling at your kids all the time, that’s not helping you to be the parent you want to be.
3. Write down the habits you’ve identified and want to change, and begin to take notice of them. Taking notice of the things you want to change is the next step toward creating the life you want.
My challenge for you today is to identify the habits that aren’t helping you to reach your highest potential. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about how to choose and implement new, more positive habits that will lead you to becoming the best possible version of you.
Which habits aren’t serving you well? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below, and don’t forget to update your Bliss Book!
Each night before bed, I reflect on my day. In addition to assessing opportunities for change, I also give myself praise for the things I do well.
If I feel fatigued by the pressures of life, I remind myself of the many benefits I gain from my diligent pursuit of self-development. One of these benefits is inner peace instead of caving in under pressure. This contemplation always motivates me to renew my efforts, and I do so, invigorated.
Today, I am dedicated to self-development. I am thankful for every opportunity to re-create myself anew. And I recommit to growing toward my highest vision of myself, each and every day.
1. What are some of the self-development “projects” I have been working on lately?
2. Which projects challenge me most right now? Why? How can I overcome these challenges?
3. In what ways have I changed intentionally, for the better, over the past year or two?