Warning Signs of Narcissism in Toxic Relationships with Kim Saeed – Identifying Codependency and Narcissism in Relationships
What are the red flags of narcissism? Today Kim Saeed and I will cover them for you in detail. As you might expect, codependency is also a common phenomenon among people who are in relationships with narcissists. This is because the narcissist has such unreachable standards in any relationship that the “supply” is treated as an extension of the narcissist’s self when it’s convenient – and as nothing, when it’s not. Does that make any sense?
The narcissist and the codependent have no sense of self – so they need to have a connection to someone else (the narcissistic supply) in order to sort of siphon off their energy and personality.
Are You in a Codependent Relationship with a Narcissist?
When two people have a very close relationship, it’s natural and mentally healthy to depend on each other for certain things. However, if one of you loses sight of who you are, in order to please only the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. One of the most troubling relationship elements is codependency. Not sure? Watch this video and go through the warning signs of narcissism in toxic relationships we will share with you – and be very honest with yourself. This will help you understand if you’ve fallen into a pattern of codependency in your relationship.
It’s always hard to deal with a narcissist, whether you’re still in the toxic relationship or you’ve recently left it. But due to the narc’s behaviors and patterns, there are times when we find ourselves feeling weak, almost powerless to resist their charms – even when we KNOW BETTER.
This is when a narcissist sort of “sucks” his victim back into the relationship, or some version of it. It often begins innocently enough, sort of subtly, but it always happens with one target – to regain control.
If you are or ever have been in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are that you might be codependent. In this video, I’ll fill you in on what that means and how to overcome it. And my friend? You CAN overcome it – I promise.
Victims of narcissism often call themselves “people-pleasers” or “diplomats,” but the truth is, they are often so downtrodden in relationships that they just become changed, reactive versions of their former selves.
What is codependency?
When you hear someone use the word “codependent,” often the first thing you think about is someone who is in a relationship with an alcoholic or drug addict. That’s because the term was developed specifically for this kind of relationship – initially.
“Codependency” is defined as an unhealthy relationship where partners are overly reliant on one another. As a result, a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem-solving develops between the two.
What is narcissism?
It’s important to recognize that narcissism isn’t always a bad thing. So, let’s first define healthy narcissism. Every thinking person has a certain amount of narcissism in their personality. At its most basic level, narcissism is simply “self-interest” and it is why we feed ourselves, clothe ourselves and get out and do what we have to do to live. Having a high opinion of yourself doesn’t make you a toxic narcissist, but healthy narcissism does still allow for empathy and concern for others.
Toxic narcissism is excessive self-focus that involves a marked lack of empathy for others. In some cases, toxic narcissists will also be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.
While narcissistic personality disorder is not considered to be a “mental illness,” it is defined as a personality disorder on the cluster B spectrum that manifests in an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
Codependency and Narcissism in Relationships: A Toxic Combo
As you might expect, this is also a common phenomenon among people who are in relationships with narcissists. This is because the narcissist has such unreachable standards in any relationship that the “supply” is treated as an extension of the narcissist’s self when it’s convenient – and as nothing, when it’s not.
When two people have a very close relationship, it’s natural and mentally healthy to depend on each other for certain things. However, if one of you loses sight of who you are, in order to please only the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. One of the most troubling relationship elements is codependency.
How to Go About Breaking the Cycle of Codependency
You replay your favorite song over and over to relive the good times – and you cry tears of misery as you do. Just as often, you find yourself remembering the abuse, almost as if it’s against your will – and you relive it over and over again. Heck, you may even fantasize about how to win back that person’s love.
Affirm your worth. Splitting up can leave you feeling guilty or rejected. Instead of thinking that you’ve failed, focus on what you’ve learned. Remember that you deserve happiness and fulfillment.
Take responsibility. At the same time, acknowledge the role that you played in any conflicts. By examining your actions, you discover what you can do differently next time. That’s a lot more powerful than being a victim.
Face reality. Chances are you’d still be together if you were really soul mates. When you stop idealizing your old flame, you’re more likely to notice other interesting singles.
Talk it over. Connect with family and friends who want to support you at this difficult time. They may have similar experiences and fresh insights.
Identify triggers. Everyday sights and sounds may bring back disturbing memories. Take your ex’s photos off your phone.
Set goals. Empower yourself by taking on an ambitious project. Use your extra free time to reflect on your purpose and priorities. Maybe you want to devote more energy to your career or community activities.
Care for your health. Does a broken heart make you lose your appetite or drive you to seek comfort in a pint of Rocky Road? Protect your emotional well-being by staying physically fit.
Redecorate your surroundings. If your apartment reminds you too much of your ex, restyle your space. If you can’t afford to replace the furniture, there are plenty of low budget solutions, like a fresh coat of paint or building a headboard out of an old door.
Expand your interests. You may have been neglecting your hobbies if your last partner didn’t share your passion for opera or volley ball. Resume the activities you love, and discover some new outlets.
Schedule a makeover. It’s easier to reinvent yourself when you’re comfortable with the way you look. Browse magazines for ideas or start small if you’re still figuring out what works for you. If a tattoo seems too radical, shape your eyebrows or get a pedicure.
Travel the globe. Pick a destination you’re excited about seeing. Look forward to interacting with others who see you as an individual instead of half a former couple. Enjoy feeling capable on your own as you figure out foreign currencies and sample the local cuisine.
Stay busy. There’s a difference between accepting your grief and wallowing in it. The more you do, the less time you’ll have to stare at the phone.
YOU CAN bounce back after a toxic relationship, my friend. Soothe your hurt feelings and shift your attention to the future. By using your old relationship as an opportunity to work on yourself, you’ll be preparing for a new and more lasting love. You GOT THIS! <3 Stay strong!