Secrets, Shyness and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist

Secrets, Shyness and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.” ~Andre Dubus III

identifying a covert narcissist

There are narcissists, and then there are people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In both cases, it can be pretty simple to identify them – they all have pretty predictable and similar behaviors. 

That’s why online support groups for survivors of narcissistic relationships work so well. Because people can relate to one another so closely – they often comment that they feel like they’re reading their own stories when they support their fellow members.

Identifying a Covert Narcissist

Identifying a Narcissist is Simple, Right?  Okay, so you know how to identify a narcissist, and you know what to expect from them, right? But what happens when a narcissist is sort of “incognito” or behaving as an introvert, or a shy person? What does that look like? How can you tell the difference between a covert narcissist and an introvert?

Enter the Vulnerable Narcissist

She’s the damsel in eternal distress; or he’s the martyr of his oh-so-noble cause, quietly standing up for what he believes in and pretending he doesn’t want/need the praise that’s being heaped on him.

The shy or covert narcissist seems vulnerable and oversensitive. This can often manifest as hostility and defensiveness, and just like his overt/arrogant counterpart, the covert narcissist often:

  • feels a huge sense of (often unearned) entitlement
  • has grandiose fantasies about his or her life
  • will exploit others to get what they want
  • seeks power and control

How does a covert narcissist differ from an overt or grandiose narcissist? 

Unlike the overt or grandiose narcissist, the covert narcissist will not necessarily display narcissistic behavior that is immediately recognizable.

While he’ll have the standard grandiose fantasies for his life – all of which are sure to be unrealistic and self-centered, not to mention grandiose and inflated, he will believe that his dreams are unrealistic and unattainable.

He will even feel guilty for wanting what he wants, and somehow this inner conflict leads him to suppress his feelings as a whole.

This leads to the next inevitable step in which he turns his inner conflict into outer behavior, such as:

  • exhibitionist-type behavior
  • being overly competitive
  • being unacceptably aggressive when it comes to getting what he wants

Then, he’ll play the “poor me” game like a pro, and he often feels sorry for himself.

Why does the “vulnerable narcissist” play the “poor me” game so well? 

It all comes down to one thing: the covert narcissist hates himself. He thinks it’s going to be possible to hate himself BETTER, somehow.

Though he continues to demonstrate the behavior that he loathes, the covert narcissist is powerless to control his thoughts – and his deep inner conscience is NOT okay with the person he is or has become.

He judges HIMSELF more harshly than he judges anyone else, and usually, more harshly than he judges anyone else – but he certainly has what he considers a high standard for his life.

He quietly sticks to this unreasonable standard to the best of his abilities, happy to secretly look down his nose at the people he deems “lesser” than he.

Of course, when he falls off of his proverbial “standards” and behaves in any way that his inner critic deems bad or not desirable, he’s back to square one.

Covert Narcissism: Self-Hate Due to Distorted Self-Awareness

It all boils down to one thing: a covert narcissist understands on some level that his self-inflating ideas are, in fact, bullshit – at least on some level.

Read more: are you a narcissist? Find out for sure. 

So, though he continues to have his narcissistic thoughts and occasional external behavior, he’s holding himself to a very high standard and spends his life competing with the one person he can never beat (himself or some version of it).

At the same time, he is incapable of openly accepting blame or responsibility for anything that isn’t positive, and in fact he relates any such admission to weakness and “badness” of other people – which, most likely, is because of the angry kind of envy that psychologists say is involved in the creation of any narcissistic behavior.

The covert narcissist is often mistaken for an introvert or a shy person because to the untrained eye, they appear to be a pushover who is generally unassertive. They see themselves (and others see them) as victims or as people who aren’t able to obtain what they should have or deserve. People who don’t really know him may say things like, “oh, he’s just a big teddy bear!”

A covert narcissist will also:

  • call themselves a perfectionist and/or claim to be “a little OCD”
  • have outrageously adolescent daydreams about being a big famous something-or-other
  • have a somewhat questionable grip on reality, leading to personal guilt and self-hate.
  • have feelings of being worthless, countered by feelings of being different, separate, or “better” than other people

Get some additional insight into covert narcissism here.

What do you think? Have you ever met a covert narcissist? How could you tell? What characteristics do you think most clearly identify the covert narcissist? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below this video.

Read more: Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve

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Candida and You: Signs, Symptoms and Home Remedies

Candida and You: Signs, Symptoms and Home Remedies

Let’s talk about yeast infections, shall we? I know, not what you want to hear. But go with me on this. Have you heard about candida?

According to the National Candida Foundation, candida yeast is a strong, invasive parasite that attaches itself to the intestinal wall and becomes a permanent resident of your internal organs.

Besides the ick factor, why is candida a problem? The organization says that a yeast cell produces more than 75 known toxins.

These toxins will essentially poison your body so long as they’re residing there. They are also known to contaminate tissue.

Additionally, candida yeast will weaken your immune system, glands, kidneys, bladder, lungs, liver and especially the brain and nervous system. None of this bodes well for your health, obviously.

But there’s good news. It won’t take a whole bunch of drugs to clear up candida.

Signs and Symptoms of Candida, According to a Doctor

I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on T.V. But I am, by trade, a journalist, and I know how to do my research. So please allow me to virtually introduce you to Dr. Amy Myers, who has put together a very succinct and to the point resource on candida over at MindBodyGreen.

In her report, she offers a really clear overview of not only the causes of candida but also the signs and symptoms, along with a breakdown of the standard treatment routes.

Check it out right here.

Oh! One More Thing…

For those of you who prefer a holistic approach to life and health, I found this handy-dandy video shared by Melissa H. on YouTube and had to share.

Melissa Says:

Candida Cleansing in 4 Steps, cleanse, food, probiotics, beverages, and a quick bonus tip

There is definitely a right and wrong way of going through this process, ask me or anyone else who has experienced it;

1) Starting with the cleanse phase is vitally important;
Flushing the system, re-alkalizing the system, if you have surface candida overgrowth, then you definitely have internal candida overgrowth

2) Research the Right foods, this will help immensely to maintain a strong healthy body and a good balance of candida – Go for garlic, greens like hemp, lettuce, spinach and avocado, and plenty of seafoods – Anything processed may be too acid based

3) Probiotics like Yoghurt are hugely important, but not only for candida overgrowth but also energy and general healthy living

4) Beverages; Cinnamon Tea and other great products are around, try heaps, see what you like!

Please share comments about what has worked/ is working for you or friends!


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