Today I’m sharing a story from a SPAN member who says her husband has been healed of his narcissism by Dr. David Hawkins, who has claimed to know the cure for narcissism. With her permission, I’m printing her letter in full here – but we’ll refer to her husband as Mr. X to protect their identities.
“Hi Angie, just watched your video referencing Dr. Hawkins. My husband Mr. X (name changed) and I have been clients of Dr. Hawkins’ for 18 months. Prior to Dr. H, nothing worked. Mr. X could sell ice to Eskimos and fool me, himself, our previous counselor, etc.
Dr. Hawkins was effective for a few reasons:
- Hawkins knew who and what he was dealing with– he called out every attempt of blame shifting, gaslighting, etc. He easily drilled down and identified Mr. X’s triggers.
- He taught me how to respond and react in a way that cut off Mr. X from abusing me and he wasn’t allowed to interact with me again until he made appropriate amends as approved by Dr. H. If his amends were BS, Dr. H called him out on that too.
- Over time he identified Mr. X’s abuse cycle and the triggers for each phase of it. He taught Mr. X how to identify his thinking errors along with a process to replace his stinking thinking with healthy thinking.
- The abuse cycle used to be short, repeated every few days or weekly, then as Mr. X became a humble participant in his own therapy with Dr. H the abuse cycle occurred maybe once a month. Mr. X’s “narcissist mode episodes” happened less and less.
- It was hard work, we had to work together daily, per Dr. H we read Lundy Bancroft’s book, “Why does he do that?”, this taught us both why abuser’s abuse, how they think, what needs to occur for them to change, etc. This was one of many helpful assignments from Dr. H.
- If the NPD spectrum was a 1 to 10 scale, Mr. X would have been rated a 4-5. I think any WILLING Narc rated 5 and under could change with Dr. H’s approach, but only if they truly want to and only if they stick with it.
- Mr. X spends a min if 1 hour a day working on his recovery. He also worked the 12 steps even though he doesn’t drink! Many years ago, Dr. H wrote a book on the 12 steps, basically the principals teach you to let go of resentment and a lot of the workbooks and exercises address narc behaviors.
So, I wanted to share! It was hard, it’s a new lifestyle, Mr. X will be in therapy forever. His inner narc is rarely triggered, and if I even think I’m seeing a glimpse of it I announce it and Mr. X uses his tools before it takes over.
Just like anything, it’s not for everyone. I’m the Mom of a son who happens to have ODD, Asperger’s, and Anxiety. I’ve mastered identifying and redirecting triggers. I don’t want to be a Mom to a Narc and I refuse to do so.
Before Dr. H I was apartment shopping and thought I’d consult him as one last effort before running! Mr. X had very good qualities that were present way more than his Narc side.
My response is included in this video.
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Resources
- Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.
- The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
- Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
- One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
- Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
- Get private, one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching or counseling.
- Get a therapist who will work with you online. Don’t forget your health care professional can also point you in the right direction to get help for PTSD. Check out our guide to finding a therapist or psychologist who understands narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
- Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
- Join one of our private small coaching groups!
Related articles you might also want to read
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Should you warn the new ‘supply’ about the narcissist?
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Get Out of the Fog with Mindfulness
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Find the Light at the End of the Tunnel and Be Brave
- Get Unstuck After Narcissistic Abuse: Your Personal Passion Plan
- The Narcissist’s Soulmate Scam: Identifying a Love Bomber
- Secrets and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist
- Narcissists in Relationships: The Shocking Truth on Who’s the Drug and Who’s the Addict
- Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Why Narcissists Love to Rage
- How to Use NLP and EFT for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Are you part of a narcissist’s harem? You might be shocked.
- Toxic Narcissism: Top 10 Red Flags (Video)
- Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Identifying PTSD and C-PTSD
- 121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You
- Toxic Abuse in Relationships: Inside the Narcissist’s Devalue and Discard Phases
- Post-Gaslighting Emergency Recovery: A ‘First Aid’ Kit for Your Aching Soul
- The Shy or Introverted Narcissist (Video)
- C-PTSD and Dissociation in Narcissistic Abuse (Video)