The Golden Child of a Narcissist is Often a Victim Too!
When we think of the golden child, we often think of the one in the family that never got the abuse from a narcissistic parent. As a person used as the scapegoat, it may be difficult to see the effects abuse had on a golden child sibling.
Of course, there are many situations where unfortunately the golden child becomes a narcissist themselves, but there is another thing that happens for many who grew up in homes with a narcissistic parent and in particular a narcissistic mother. Those people who are empathic and caring stuck in the role of the golden child who then suffered because of it.
The pressure to be perfect, watching siblings be scapegoated or ignored, feeling guilt for being the chosen one are only a few examples of the effects of this form of narcissistic manipulation of children. Other issues like difficulty in adult relationships because of expectations created by a narcissistic parent can really make a challenging belief system not easily healed in people who grew up the golden child.
Manipulation and the Narcissistic Mother
Narcissists manipulate the people in their lives. This is a universal truth of narcissism. Narcissistic mothers seem to have a very pervasive and persuasive way of manipulating entire families to create a household that revolves around her ego, delusion, and selfish need for control. They tend to create a family (abuse) system that includes a scapegoat and golden child as well as sometimes a lost child.
By creating this system she can manipulate the entire family, as people fall into line under her directives. If you are told you are one thing as a child enough times you will believe it, especially when it comes from mom.
Breaking free from this as an adult can sometimes mean understanding all the roles narcissists use within the family structure because each role plays a part in supporting the narcissist’s delusion of self.
Revealing these truths to yourself hopefully will give you some understanding to know it is NOT you, it is what you were programmed to believe that is the issue. It is not YOUR fault, it is the manipulation of your innocence that was done to you by a narcissistic parent.
Additional Resources for Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
- Join our private coaching group
- Get one-on-one coaching with Lise Colucci
- Get notified free for free video coaching sessions by texting LISELIVE to 33222.
- Email Lise at [email protected]
More Resources for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Best Books on Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Comprehensive Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Glossary: This is a comprehensive guide to words and phrases (related to narcissism, NPD and related conditions, narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic abuse recovery) that are commonly used in articles, videos, and narcissistic abuse recovery support groups. Defined here as specifically how they relate to narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and narcissistic abuse recovery, these terms have been developed by psychologists, coaches, therapists, and survivors of narcissistic abuse who need a way to understand and overcome the abuse.
- FAQ Help: Whenever you need help with something related to this site or you want to know how to find something, join a group or otherwise deal with an issue you’re having, visit our new FAQ Help page.
- Self-Care for Survivors: This is a page that covers everything you need to know about self-care, from how to build your own self-care kit to how to sign up for self-care support, and more.
- New Resources Page: This is a one-stop overview of narcissism, NPD, and narcissistic abuse recovery, offering a long list of resources that will be helpful for you.
- Stalking Resources Center: If your narcissist is a stalker, the information and resources on this page will help you get and stay safe.
- The QueenBeeing SPANily, Official – We consider this to be the best narcissistic abuse recovery support group on the web. Offers several subgroups and features a vigilant, compassionate admin team full of trained coaches and survivors, supporting more than 12k members. SPAN is an acronym created by Angie Atkinson that stands for Support for People Affected by Narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships.
- Other Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups – We also have separate groups for each stage in your narcissistic abuse recovery, as well as some for those who have moved past recovery and are evolving into the next stage of their own life. Survivors have unique and individual needs, even when they’ve moved on – so we’re still here for you.
- One-on-One Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching – If you prefer to get more personalized support in your recovery, you might like to schedule a session with one of our coaches to plan and execute your own narcissistic abuse recovery plan.
- Find a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapist – If you’re looking for a therapist for narcissistic abuse recovery, either because you cannot afford coaching and want to use your health insurance or because you have additional issues you need to address that do not fall within the realm of coaching, you will want to find the right therapist for you – and as far as we’re concerned, that therapist must understand what you’ve been through. This page offers assistance to help you do exactly that.
- Where Are You in Recovery? You might not be sure exactly where you fit in and what level of recovery you’ve achieved. If that’s the case, you’ll want to check out this self-assessment to help you determine exactly where you fall in the stages of recovery from narcissistic abuse. Once you finish and submit the assessment, you will be given resources for your own situation, along with recommendations of which groups to join.
- Which Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program is Right for You? If you aren’t sure which program you want to utilize to facilitate your recovery from narcissistic abuse, this self-assessment will help you decide.
Lise Colucci is an intuitive healer and certified life coach, as well as a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach. She is a long-time admin and mentor for the SPAN Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Group, actively helping survivors of narcissistic abuse in the expansive community to learn and heal.