So often, I hear from viewers, readers, and my coaching clients that they’re being bullied online by a narcissist – usually, one they’ve been personally involved with.
In those cases, narcissists will do everything from attempting to use social media to publicly and personally humiliate their victims to generally spreading rumors and lies about them – and then some.
For example, when a victim goes no-contact with a toxic narcissist, he or she may first put on a really good “poor me” show for his/her connections. They may ask for advice – “how do I deal with this crazy person” – or they may flat-out make false claims about their target to the world.
So why is this such an effective way to continue to abuse their victims?
In addition to the fact that it often connects to literally everyone you know, social media bullying can be the ultimate platform for life-destroying passive-aggressive behavior – and we all know that’s a narcissist’s comfort zone.
We have so much technology now that’s supposed to streamline our lives and make it easier to connect with the people that we care about.
It’s supposed to make it easier to do business and make good things happen for our careers. But strangely, the technology that was supposed to be the key to our happiness, comfort and success has the potential to backfire.
Instead of helping, especially in toxic situations, the use of technology has led many people to deeper levels of stress, feelings of discontentment and lives so busy that they’re hardly living at all.
Often, a narcissist will lash out at a victim through social media – and this may happen either during the relationship or after its over.
They (or their flying monkeys – aka enablers) will spread gossip, harrass you, blow up your PMs or even post publicly on your page – or theirs – to let everyone know how “terrible” you are.
This, like every kind of narcissistic abuse, serves a couple of purposes.
First, people who aren’t clued into the situation will offer the narc sympathy and say nasty things to or about his/her target. This gives the narc some good “supply,” and also helps him/her to accomplish their goal of making you look crazy (hello gaslighting!).
Essentiallly, a toxic narcissist will use social media to target his or her various sources of supply (and/or anyone who makes him/her feel bad about themselves). This might include ex-spouses, ex-boyfriends or girlfriends, current partner, new wife or girlfriend of an ex, colleagues, friends and even people the narcissist never met. I’ve personally had this one happen quite often, doing what I do, as I’m sure you can imagine.
In addition to basically anyone who makes a narc feel bad about him/herself and her behavior, the narcissist may target anyone who gets in their way and/or anyone they fear will expose their true nature.
Many narcissists (not to mention histrionics, borderlines and other self-obsessed, abusive personality types) use Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram and other platforms to run smear campaigns, make false allegations abput their targets – and more.
Others will go so as far as to use social media to perpetrate parent/child alienation (especially with divorced and/or step-parent situations) and to stalk and harass their targets while simultaneously portraying themselves as the much-maligned victim, superman/woman and/or mother/father of the year.
Since a lot of narcissists are especially gifted when it comes to finding your sensitive issues – the little “sore spots” we all have – they intuitively use social media to lash out at or attack their victims.
They’ll hurt people without a second thought, and they’ll do it while making themselves look like the injured party – it’s narcissistic injury on crack.
Of course, they use this platform to push people around and down – and raise themselves up. They need to have power over other people, and they’ll stop at nothing to get what they want.
Listen, these aren’t new behaviors for narcissists in general – it just allows them to reach a bigger audience. It’s the whole smear campaign thing times a million.
You start by not getting involved. If you see it happen, immediately block the narcissist so they don’t have access to your profile and can’t tag you in their drama.
Even though it’s complete bullshit, you have to stand firm by not getting involved. If you DO fire back publicly through social media, the narcissist will only use it to cement his/her case – “see, I told you she/he was crazy!”
Even if you’re just an online bystander to someone else’s drama, if you experience that, your mind will register the same type of anxious response as if you had been involved and your feelings will follow the lead of your thoughts.
When you see how wonderful someone else’s life appears to be online, it can lead you to become discontent and irritable. It can make you focus on the negative instead of looking at the positive.
Online interaction can also make you feed yourself negative self talk – especially when you see others who are better looking, richer, have nicer homes, easier looking lives and appear to be having more fun.
Not only will you feel bad about yourself, but your stress level will go up. When you practice mindfulness in associating with your technology use, you’ll discover that your happiness level will increase.
You can do this by setting limits on when you’ll be online and how much time you’ll spend online. Refuse to keep your cellphone with you 24/7. When you are on social media or online, find ways to use it to do something positive such as encourage someone else.
Let go of the things online that are irrelevant to your life or that make your negativity or stress level rise. When you do go online, make sure that you have a defined purpose and a time limit and stick to that.
So, if you’re there right now, or if you’ve been there before, tell me about your experiences. How did you deal? What tips would you offer another survivor in the same situation?
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So, this post is a bit off-topic for QueenBeeing, but I felt like it was appropriate because it’s all about one way to follow your passion.
See, I’m a professional blogger as well as a life coach, author and journalist, and I’ve been making my living through my blogs in various ways for a decade now. So I’ve learned a few things, and I’ve made a lot of mistakes.
But I’ve also figured out what works and how to make it happen. I blog about all of this over at OnlineWritingPro.com, by the way.
The reason I’m blogging about – well, blogging – at QueenBeeing today is because it allows me to personally follow my passion – and because I could teach almost anyone to create a blog that allows them to follow theirs (and get paid to do so!).
Part of my whole personal and professional philosophy is all about paying it forward, so I’ve done something sort of special – I created a bunch of good stuff and I’m giving it away over at OnlineWritingPro.com.
Anyhoo, I thought I’d share the freebies over here in case you hadn’t found OWP yet. (And while you’re looking – you might want to check out this stuff from Carol Tice – an amazing blogger I know who makes six figures from her blogs.) Oh – and if you want a place to find paid online writing jobs – check out the OWP writing jobs board – it’s free and no registration is required.
But first – check out these freebies for bloggers at OWP – and there are even more actually on the site if you have a minute to look around.
Would you believe me if I told you that more than half of my blog traffic comes from my social media marketing efforts?
Would it shock you if I told you that my primary blog is now nearing 100 thousand visitors each month, and that it’s helping me to grow my online writing income significantly?
It’s true. Get my social media secrets (and a special surprise bonus gift) right here.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve heard of Instagram by now. But whether you’re an Instagrammer may depend on a few different factors. Find out in my free report.
If that stuff interests you, then you might also want to check out my latest book.
It’s entitled The Blog-Fire Power Blogging Method: Secrets Pro Bloggers Know, From Picking a Platform to Getting Paid and it’s literally a manual that will help you to build, manage and grow a blog that will help you to both follow your passion AND feed your family.
The paperback version will also be available soon at Amazon.com – stay tuned, and sign up for the OWP email subscription to be updated (it’s free too!).
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Big news for QueenBeeing readers!
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Turn the Law of Attraction toward your success October 29 – Be Free of Anxiety
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The truth is that life can be beautiful, and you can have everything you want–it all starts within you. Your perception builds your world, and the best part is that you get to choose how you perceive literally every thing and situation in your life. You can be happy, right now.
You truly can enjoy the journey to personal fulfillment, personal development and true passion—AND you can look and feel amazing while you do it. How? It’s easy.
Take care of your body, take care of your soul. Nurture the real you, and introduce him or her to the world. Be comfortable in your skin, and in your place in the world. Take your spot, take it now, and the universe will take its cue from you. Let http://QueenBeeing.com show you how.
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“The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.” ~Terry Pratchett
Regardless of your age, you probably want to preserve your mental acuity for the rest of your life.
Thanks to research, scientists are getting an increasingly clear picture of the things people can do to ensure their brains keep working in top form.
Consider these strategies to ensure your mind is working as efficiently as possible. Incorporate as many of these methods as you can into your everyday life to keep your thinking razor-sharp.
Don’t Sit Around All the Time: Move Your Body Often
Engage in consistent exercise. Scientists continue to assert that performing regular aerobic activity, at least 30 minutes a day, is one of the best ways to keep your mind in good shape. You’re never too young or too old to get started on this one and keep up with it. When you exercise, you propagate healthy cells throughout your body.
And don’t forget – sitting is the new smoking. The more you move, the better.
(Here are some ideas for getting moving! Personally, I’m currently addicted to my FitBit! Add me if you’re also a FitBit person – I’m under angyatkinson at gmail dot com.)
Don’t Take Shortcuts on Getting Your Nutrients: Eat REAL Healthy Food!
Eat right. When you eat small amounts spread out over the day, your system can better handle the food, resulting in healthier organs, including your brain. Recommended foods are those that are moderate in protein and fat and high in fiber. Build your day around practical eating habits that will ensure you’ll have a mind that’s sharp as a tack.
Don’t Take Supplements: Eat Real Food Instead
Researchers are discovering every day that the use of supplements does not provide everything your body needs. Get your vitamins the old-fashioned way by eating healthy foods.
Choose whole foods. Obtain as many of your vitamins and minerals from food products, rather than supplements and vitamins, as you can. The mind and body respond better to the real thing.
Don’t Get Sick: At Least Avoid It When You Can!
Avoid preventable diseases. If you can steer clear of diabetes, hypertension, and weight gain, your mind will thank you later. Researchers now believe that these illnesses that attack your body are also detrimental to your mental acuity.
Don’t Stay Up All Night: At Least Not Very Often!
Get good sleep. Did you know that chronic sleep issues are related somehow (scientists aren’t sure how) to cognitive decline? Therefore, if you want to stay sharp, get a consistent 7 to 8 hours per night.
Because you can’t really catch up on lost sleep in ways that matter to your brain, make it a goal each evening to get in bed, turn out the light, and go to sleep in plenty of time to get those golden hours of snooze.
Don’t Let Stress Beat You Down: Never Give Into Negative Emotions
Successfully manage your stress. Feeling more relaxed and stress-free is believed to help your memory and keep your brain functioning better. Take whatever steps necessary to banish your stress.
Practicing regular exercise, engaging in fulfilling activities during your time off, and enjoying love in your life keep your stress level down.
Don’t Think You Know It All: Never Stop Learning
Keep learning new things. Although the jury is still out on whether working crosswords, word games, and math challenges keep your mind fit, one clear fact is that education ensures a strong, healthy mind. Learn something new each day.
This year, take that small business class. Next year, join the local birding group to learn all about the local birds. If you want to have a quick mind, never stop learning.
All of these ideas are pragmatic things you can do to keep your brain in great shape. And most of them can be implemented today! Follow these suggestions and you’ll be rewarded with a razor-sharp mind.
Wanna know how I did this? Click the photo to be taken to the book on Amazon.com!
Feeling overwhelmed with your own weight loss efforts (or lack thereof)? Don’t – because you don’t have to – I already did it for you and figured out the whole deal – so instead, check out my book Project Blissful in which I detail how I went from a very unhealthy and unhappy size 24 to a much happier and healthier size 6. – and just FYI – while the book costs less than $3, I promise there’s nothing in it that requires you to buy a bunch of stuff – but there is every single secret that I used and learned while I lost more than 100 pounds, as you can see in the photo here.
