“Southern Belles never take pride in being ‘awkward’ or ‘adorkable.’ They are ladies who are proud of their social skills, and know how to put people at ease.” ~Candace Thompson
My family and I snuck away for a week during the kids’ spring break from school last year, and boy did I learn something cool. As you might expect, I came across plenty of hot women on my journey, but one in particular sticks out in my mind as a hottie–and probably not one you’d expect.
We left on a Monday night after my husband got off work and we planned to stay in a hotel once we got to Birmingham (just past the halfway point from our home in St. Louis to our rented condo in Panama City Beach, Florida). So we stopped at a (ridiculously overpriced but very nice) Hampton Inn.
Now, while I am still kind of pissed that it cost us nearly $200 to sleep for exactly 6 unsettling hours, this woman who checked us out was something else.
As we enjoyed our slightly-stale tasting (but “free”) continential breakfast, I saw her, behind the counter. She was probably around 60 years old, and she didn’t seem like much to look at–her skin wasn’t in the best shape and her nose had this odd cut-out looking spot on it. Still, she had a friendly face, I thought, so I went over to check out.
But the moment the woman opened her mouth, she suddenly became incredibly beautiful–and let’s be honest, super hot. And within the three-minute time period I dealt with her, she had a significant impact on me. So what did this southern belle to do win me over within the first two seconds she opened her mouth, aside from belting out that molasses-sweet accent?
5 Sexy Secrets We Can Learn From Southern Belles
1. It Ain’t a (Just) Man’s World, So Don’t Be Afraid of Your Femininity–In our society today, women are expected to be sexy, strong and capable, but only insomuch as it does not, in any way, threaten their men. And if she does take on a “traditionally male role,” such as a leadership position at work or a professor at a university, she may feel pressured to subdue her femininity in order to be taken seriously. Southern women are not afraid to be as girly as they wanna be, and they’ll do it all while running a company or heading up a presidential campaign. Bless their hearts!
2. The Art of Being a Lady Isn’t Lost, After All--My hotel clerk and many southern belles like her have this amazing ability to make people around them feel especially comfortable. It’s something about the way they talk, the softness in their voice and maybe even some kind of old-fashioned quality called class. Within the first moment I was talking to this lady, I felt completely at ease and like she was enjoying my conversation. Talk about HOT!
3. Standing By Your Family and Friends is Super Hot–Southern women are known for their ability to take care of and to stand by the people they love – it’s called “Southern Hospitality” for a reason, y’all. There is nothing in the world that says you HAVE to take care of folks (although, if you do, the healthy people in your life usually return the favor!), but I’m here to tell you that, when it comes to men, there are few in this world who don’t (secretly or otherwise) wish their woman would take care of them. Whether they admit it or not, they love it when you get all mommy on their asses–especially when they’re sick. Being a caring wife to a healthy, loving guy? Super hot.
4. Knowing that Looks DO Matter–Many Southern belles are known for their girly-girl style, but there are just as many gorgeous tomboys, fashionistas bohemians and other generally hot women in the south. The thing that Southern girls know that the rest of us forget sometimes is that taking care of your appearance DOES change the way the world perceives you (and how you perceive yourself). Not only will you be taken more seriously when you bother to care how you look, but you’ll just FEEL hotter–and that always adds up to BEING hotter.
5. Being Authentically, Really Yourself–I have said it before and I’ll say it again–being YOU is HOT! But in the case of the Southern Belle, I think that Candace Thompson said it best when she said, “Southern Belles don’t care if not every woman wants to be like them, or if they’re considered too “traditional” or “old-fashioned.” They are happy to live the life they have, and be who they are, without pleasing some feminist or businesswoman who wants them to be more “modern.” They know how much better life is when you live it in style.”
What can you learn from a Southern Belle about being a HOTTER version of yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section, below!
If you had the chance, would you marry your wife all over again?
That’s one of the best compliments you can give her. Having a HOT marriage might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have regular tension in your relationship, but I’ve got great news for you.
It’s all about communication.
As a woman, I can call myself a bitch (occasionally), a lover, a (former) child, a mother, a sinner, and a saint. And you know what?
I really do not feel ashamed.
I know, you probably think I’m home of those bra-burning feminist types, but no–I consider myself more of a humanist.
As the mother of two amazing and polar opposite but equally awesome, intelligent boys and one crazy-smart, strong and creative little girl (all three beautiful and healthy, I’m grateful to report), I can’t ever be anti-male. I’m all about equality among races, sexes and various other identifying factors.
I figure if what you’re doing doesn’t harm or unnecessarily (or unknowingly) increase or cause the risk of injury, then hey–do your thang, kid.When people are different from us in some way, we are inclined to note the differences and especially when we aren’t intimately familiar with them (and in some cases, their race in general).
The thing is, men, that you’re blowing it, this whole communication thing. I’m here to offer you a little insight into the female psyche that could really help you to strengthen the bond in your marriage.
Now go get your big boy shorts on and get ready to catch a whiff of the truth.
Please note: we are not always as complicated/impossible or otherwise unreasonably bitchy as you might think. Lucky for you, I’m taking pity on you and offering you the inside dirt on how women think and what women really want from you.
How to Get Your Point Across Without Pissing Off Your Wife
I’m going to make this easy for you, men. I know how you think. You’re logical. You’re a problem solver.
And probably, you think this is a bunch of crap, but you’re here because deep down, you really do love your wife and you really do want to do better–you want to make her happy.
So, let’s start with what not to do, shall we? Some men could drastically improve their relationships with one or more of these simple tips. (And listen, you will be shocked when you find out how very simple the changes are and how exponentially these tiny life tweaks can add value and positivity to your life.)
Don’t blow sunshine up our asses
When you misrepresent yourself in any way in order to gain ground with your girl, you’re not only wasting your time (not to mention ours); you’re also going to set us up for shock and disappointment somewhere down the line (or if we take longer to catch on, we might try to convince ourselves that you’ve changed). So tell us the truth, even if you think it means you’ll blow it. Do us both a favor and get your truth out up front-or risk losing us when it really hurts. (And hey, if we dump you over your truth? We probably did you a favor, because Miss Right could be right around the corner).
It hurts less if you just tear it off fast: the band-aid theory
Listen, if you meet a mew woman online, there are certain things you really need to be honest about before you ever meet in person, because these things can be deal breakers.
Your appearance. Not your edited profile pics, either, but the real you, warts and all. I promise you that when we meet you, we’ll notice that photo is really your younger brother or the selfie you took the day you graduated high school twenty years ago.
Your relationship status-and I do mean actual status, not some gloss over about how you’re in transition or how your babymamas are all fighting over you but you only want me (of course you’ll need to spend a few nights a week out, like, seeing your kids and stuff, or whatever.). Just tell me up front if you’re married, in a committed relationship or if you’re playing 3 other women. This way, you’ll have no guilt and we are empowered to choose to tolerate it–or not. (And don’t think it’ll always be ‘not’–women today aren’t always opposed to unconventional arrangements and commitment-free intimacy. But we aren’t all that way, so if you want that in a woman, you can choose to wait for a woman who is into it, or you can take alternative routes while you continue to find the one who will float your boat just the way you like it.
Your real “stuff.” Listen, I am here to tell you that while every girl would love to meet a guy who never disagrees with her, most of us are well-aware that he doesn’t exist in real life. That’s why it’s so important to just get your weirdness out there up front. So, if you’re going to freak out if I eat tacos in front of you, tell me that before we go to the Mexican restaurant, aight? And if you hate kids, don’t pretend you’re a different person when I tell you I’ve got three of my own. Put it out there and let me make an educated choice on whether or not I want to waste your time (and mine) trying to develop a relationship that may or may not be a real option for me.
The same goes for your day-to-day married life, by the way–just put your “stuff” out there and be real with your wife. That way, you never have to remember that you lied or covered something up–you just tell the truth. And in case you didn’t know, most intelligent women have built-in BS meters.
A little sugar helps the medicine go down.
Listen, I totally want you to be honest with me on every level. But I don’t like it when I think you don’t think I’m amazingly beautiful, sexy and intelligent. In fact, if I think that you in any way find me distasteful, unattractive or otherwise unsavory, I’m probably going to shut down and stop trying to please you. (Although there are women who will work harder to make you happy, they’re generally secretly very unhappy/unfulfilled and that trickle-down effect could potentially blow up in your face!)
So, while a lot of people claim that they don’t want you to sugar-coat it for them, most women are lying when they say that. The truth is that we do want you to sugar-coat it for us, and if you have a problem with something we’re doing, you better add a little extra sugar before you start talking.
My point is that if you’re planning to tell your wife or girlfriend that you need her to change something about herself, her behavior or her habits, you need to do it carefully.
For example, if you wish she’d stop waking you up at 5 a.m. to have sex (ha! as IF you’d have a problem with that one!), you might remind her that she’s incredibly sexy and that you LOOOOVE being with her–but that you want to be your best for her all the time and that requires a couple more hours of shut-eye.
And don’t forget to remind her that you can’t resist her, and since you’d much rather have sex than sleep, you NEED HER HELP to get this thing done.
Men: what are your best tips for communicating with women? And women: what tips would you offer to the men in your lives, if you could?
This is my beautiful (and SUPER HOT) friend Tiara!
“There is unbelievable power in ownership, and women should own their sexuality. There is a double standard when it comes to sexuality that still persists. Men are free and women are not. That is crazy. The old lessons of submissiveness and fragility made us victims. Women are so much more than that. You can be a businesswoman, a mother, an artist, and a feminist—whatever you want to be—and still be a sexual being. It’s not mutually exclusive.” ~Beyonce
Let me just preface this post by saying that I am in no way generalizing black women, white women or anyone else in this post.
In fact, I’m only focusing on my personal group of female friends, which includes a variety of beautiful women from a variety of races, ages and cultural background–obviously including several gorgeous African-American women.
Since I’ve learned a little something about being hot from nearly every woman I’ve ever met (even though in some cases it was more learning what NOT to do), the Hot Wife Secrets series focuses on what I’ve learned from groups and individuals.
Today, it’s all about the secrets I’ve learned from my black friends about being hot.
5 Ways My Black Friends Have Taught Me to Be Hotter
Hair Extensions Are Hot: Don’t Be Scared
Ok, so you won’t find me spending hours at the salon getting extensions sewn in–not that I wouldn’t if it wasn’t so expensive and time-consuming. But let me tell you what–the clip-in extensions I’ve become rather fond of are super cute and make a HUGE difference in my appearance.
Anytime I am feeling like I need a little boost, I can clip in various extensions to create a variety of styles. It definitely makes for a fun and easy change–and every time I wear extensions, I feel gorgeous–and since I feel so HOT, I notice that I get more positive attention from everyone in my life–especially my husband.
I’d never have even considered trying extensions were it not for my black friends. I also don’t even try to pretend that it’s “my hair” and don’t worry about posting photos on Facebook days (or hours) apart with two (or five) totally different looks. That goes back to self confidence and positive attitude–owning your personality and choices and proudly rocking them.
Owning It is Hot: Embracing Your Curves
Whether you’re a size 2 or a size 22, you can be HOT. The truth is that being hot has nothing to do with size and a lot more to do with the ability to love and accept yourself the way you are. I can’t speak for black women in general, but those in my life tend to be much more accepting of their curves (and as a result, have taught me to do the same for myself).
That’s how I learned that wearing tents to COVER UP your curves actually has the opposite effect–it makes you look shapeless and unattractive (again, doesn’t matter if you’re a 2 or a 22!). Instead, I’ve learned to choose styles that actually enhance and feature my curves–not only do I look thinner and more attractive, but based on the reactions of the people around me, I’m pulling it off.
It’s not directly about the way that I look, either–it’s more about the way that I feel and the way that I carry myself as a result of the level of confidence I’m currently rocking (the more confident I feel, the better I look). The same is true for most women–though the “right” clothing and lines for a body definitely depend on the body shape, height and weight–so be sure to keep that in mind as you look to find the right look for your personal body.
Boldness is Hot: Wearing Whatever You Want and Feeling Good About It
My black friends don’t all walk around wearing the same thing–each has her own style. But what they do have in common is that each is unapologetically herself when it comes to fashion.
Whether she’s rocking a tomboy look or she’s more of a girly-princess type, she wears it with pride and confidence. I also tend to notice that a lot of my black friends are very fashion forward, which as a fashionista myself, I totally love.
Anytime ANY woman can bring herself to openly express herself through her style choices, she ups her rank on the hotness scale exponentially. Again, this includes you.
Manis and Pedis are Hot: Finding the Best and Most Inexpensive Nail Salons
I don’t wear acrylics anymore, but I did for years. Thanks to my black friends, I learned about the little nail shops that will give you both a mani and a pedi (including the acrylic overlays) for less than $50, including a 20 percent tip. (Previously, I had gone to a spa/salon and was charged $60 for JUST the pedicure!).
Another secret black women know about being hot: men really do look at and care about how your nails look on both your hands and your feet–so keep them pretty if you hope to impress your hubby.
Be Bootylicious: A Big Butt is a Good Thing
Thanks to the black community, and in my case, my black friends, I’ve learned that my big butt is actually a positive thing. This ties into many of my previous points–confidence, embracing my curves and my body and even the whole “wearing whatever you want” thing.
When you stop trying to hide your junk (in the trunk) and embrace it, feature it and feel PROUD of it, you’ll almost instantly find yourself feeling and looking much, much hotter.
So how about you–what secrets do you know about being HOT? Share them in the comments section, below! Your comment and link could be featured in an upcoming post, if you so desire!
Editor’s Note: #SpeakOut is a new series in which we ask a group of people for their opinions on a specific QueenBeeing topic. What follows is an actual online discussion about beautiful women–who is beautiful, who has potential and what people think IS beautiful.
Q. Do you believe any woman can be beautiful if she makes an effort, or are there actually “lost causes” when it comes to appearances, as far as you’re concerned?
Karin O: “Never a lost cause. Beauty comes from within and is deeply imbedded in attitude and confidence. Broken spirits need healing and then the beauty is able to be seen. Outward appearances can be deceiving. You may look beautiful by what ever standard someone is judging you but if the spirit is not well then…”
Bridget:I believe everyone woman is beautiful in their own personal way. No one should ever be considered a lost cause due to her appearance. The true beauty lies inside the mind, body & spirit of each woman. Some woman come by that naturally & know their inner beauty, some take longer to “blossom”. The outside is only a facade, a shell, if you will, of what lies beneath.
Kristopher:Everyone is attractive for different reasons, and everyone is attracted to different people for different reasons. Anyone can alter their appearance to look attractive. Beauty, however, in my opinion is the ability to make the outward person more attractive by letting the true nature of the inner person shine through. Unfortunately, there are some people who just aren’t comfortable with their inner person, or their inner person is a horrible person. Those people, regardless of physical augmentation, are ugly to the core and changing them is hopeless.
Karin O:Kristopher, while I agree with most of what you said, I do believe that everyone is capable of changing that inner person. Many chose not to and are seemingly hopeless, but I believe that if they desire to find a way to be better then there is hope.
Karin J.: I have seen some women with truly unfortunate looks, but that disappears when their faces are lit with joy. I’ve seen truly beautiful women whose looks are marred by the selfishness and entitlement that exudes from every pore. Pretty is as pretty does is not just a cliche!
Bridget:Kristopher, good insight on your comment… up to the point of the last sentence. It’s boils down to a matter of opinion, I suppose. If the topic where murderers, rapists, psychopaths, etc. I’d strongly agree on the word hopeless. However, with regards to this specific issue, of the normal, everyday person and beauty, I’d have to adamantly disagree. The standard person(s), I believe, are capable of change. That’s what we humans do for the most part, adapt (or change) accordingly. With that being said, I do understand your point but also believe beauty lies within every being, in some shape or form.
Now it’s your turn! Can any woman be beautiful if she tries? Share your thoughts in the comments, below, or on your Facebook page.
“[My husband] would go mental if I started dressing like a wife! He likes me when I’m a rock n roll kind of a girl.” ~Kate Moss
Look, I’m well aware of the controversy that was stirred up in the blogosphere when supermodel Kate Moss made the statement quoted above. But the woman had a point–and I don’t mean that all wives dress like crap.
I mean that many wives become a bit…complacent…after awhile. (I know because I’ve been there, too!)
Some women even justify walking around in sweats and tshirts day and night, week after week, and get offended when you suggest that they do otherwise.
Those women might as well just either stop reading now, or change their minds and prepare for a dose of tough love–because I’m about to drop some truth bombs.
So, I’ve been married a hundred years or so (ok, really, it’s closer to 15, but still). And I know that a lot of women in my position (and in fact, a lot of women in long-term relationships, in general) are likely to eventually slow down on the getting all dolled up.
“Kate Moss and I don’t have much in common, but I think she is quite right to avoid dressing ‘like a wife’,” writes Helen Kirwin Taylor. “By this, she means she’s refusing to adopt the slovenly uniform of tracksuit bottoms and shapeless tops so many women embrace when they no longer have to worry about snaring a man. I would never think about sitting down for dinner with my husband without slipping into something stylish and alluring, brushing my hair and applying lipstick.”
Helen, I am totally with you, girl.
Wives: Why You Should Still Care About Your Appearance
Obviously, if you want to be considered a hot wife, you need to consider how your appearance is perceived.
Sure, you might think it’s shallow–but my guess is that since you’re here reading this post, you know that this stuff goes a little deeper than one might realize at first glance.
I still get all dolled up on a pretty regular basis–in fact, I literally will not leave the house unless I look reasonably cute.
While my husband sometimes pretends this annoys him (because sometimes it takes me a minute to get ready), the truth is that he appreciates the fact that I care about how I look–because it makes me more attractive to him. I know this because he says so.
I also make an effort to look cute even when I’m working at home or just lounging around the house.
Why do I do it? Well, let me spell it out for you.
Because he works with tons of hot women (hello ladies!)
My husband works in a corporate office full of beautiful, stylish and intelligent women. While he would never say so, I know that if he came home to a frumped up mommy-stereotype each day, he might start noticing the ladies he works with for more than their fun personalities and ability to work well with him.
I don’t need to compete–I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me, regardless of what I look like–but still, I prefer to keep his attention on me, so I make sure to pay attention to my appearance.
Because it makes me feel better about myself
The truth is that the primary reason I care about how I look so much is that I simply FEEL better when I look better. And I’m not alone–just think about it. When was the last time you felt particularly beautiful? Let me guess–it probably involved a really good hair day, or one of those perfect outfit days. Yep.
So, take care of your appearance and you feel better–then you become more self-confident, friendlier, more fun and generally HOTTER. It’s true.
Because it makes my relationship stronger
I know, appearance SHOULDN’T matter, but the fact is that it does. You see, it’s really easy to get so comfortable with each other that you forget to care what your spouse thinks about how you look. And maybe he forgets too–but most likely, he’s well aware of it.
Even if he’s one of those awesome guys who totally loves you and would never even consider straying, he still notices–and he will appreciate it if you make an effort to be attractive for him.
So, in addition to your self-confidence and your actual more attractive appearance, your better attitude will shine through, and that, my friends? That makes you super hot–and I promise you, he WILL notice.
While there is no one look that can be called hot, making an effort with your appearance on a daily basis can literally improve the quality of your life–and of your marriage.
What do you think? Do you make an effort to look HOT for your husband? Why or why not? What tips would you offer other wives? Share your thoughts, experiences and ideas in the comments section, below.