You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

Worried!

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I find the idea of asking for help can leave a bad taste in my mouth–no matter how much I need it.

Our society teaches us that we should be super-human–able to hold down a full-time job (or two), raise a family, maintain a marriage, friendships and more–all while looking positively fabulous.

We’re always looking for new ways to save time, do more, be more–always trying to improve, find ways to just BE MORE than we are.

But here’s the thing. There are only so many hours in each day, and you’ve gotta spend a few of them sleeping. It’s a fact.

Another fact: a single person cannot possibly know everything, cannot possibly excel in every area–and most importantly, a single person cannot hold the world on his or her shoulders.

But don’t worry–there’s a simple solution. Just share the load, friends.

Read closely: It’s okay to ask for help. Repeat it to yourself: it’s okay to ask for help.

If you have confidence, think independently and make your own choices in life, you probably prefer to figure out things for yourself. And like me, because you’re so self-assured and/or driven, you might not like to ask for help, even if you could really use it.

Whether we like it or not, every one of us could benefit from time to time by accepting a hand from someone else.

And when you ask for assistance, other people also stand to benefit in ways you might not have considered.

Contemplate these reasons why you may want to ask someone to help you, even if you find it challenging:

  1. Accomplish your goal. For example, if you need to get to that job interview and your car is still in the shop, ask a friend to drive you. If you have a goal you want to achieve and you can accomplish it with a bit of help, then ask for and accept assistance.
  2. Prove you’re human. If you’re full of confidence and seem to always do everything right, people can easily put you on a pedestal. However, when you request aid from others, they realize that even someone like you falters once in a while as you’re trying to carve a path through life. This can be really inspirational.
  3. Set a good example. This applies to co-workers, friends, and family members. If you just go straight to the point and request a hand as soon as you recognize you’re going to need it, you help to de-stigmatize the whole idea of getting help.  When your friends and family face a challenge, they’ll think, “He didn’t hesitate to seek out some extra help right away when he needed it and that’s so smart. I’m going to do it, too.” And now, you’ve been helpful to them. Good Karma points.
  4. You give others a chance to help you. Most people feel very good about themselves when they are able to extend assistance to others. You’re allowing others to feel those rewarding emotions whenever you request a hand from them.
  5. The level of stress you’re experiencing will drop. It can be very stressful when something goes wrong. Anxieties and worries develop and persist. The longer you worry about the situation, the worse you feel. Getting help means you can avoid all that distress.
  6. Develop a true appreciation for others. You’ll love seeing concrete proof that others want to see you be successful in life.
  7. Enhance your relationships. When you request aid from a friend or relative, that person feels emotionally closer to you. After all, if you feel comfortable enough to reach out for help, that’s quite a compliment to the other person. Plus, when the person comes to your aid, you’ll recognize how much that person really cares about you.
  8. Reciprocation feels great. Doing something as thanks to the friend who helped you will bring pleasure to both of you.
  9. Be an efficient “manager” of your own life. You can either spend time, emotional energy, and hours of lost sleep trying to figure an issue out on your own or you can ask for help and get it quickly taken care of. Which method is more efficient?

My point? Giving and receiving assistance can enrich your life, in more ways than you  might have imagined. You’ll strengthen your relationships and be a better person for it, at the very least. So what are you waiting for?

Do you have trouble asking for help? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

Daily Focus: Inspiration from Marianne Williamson

open your eyes“If you give your life as a wholehearted response to love, then love will wholeheartedly respond to you.” ~Marianne Williamson

Although it looks a lot like a poem, the brief prose I’m sharing from author and lecturer Marianne Williamson today (below) offers us a chance to take a hard look at ourselves and our perceptions.

And maybe, it will help us to find new ways to feel more confident and secure in ourselves–to learn to shine our own lights as we encourage others to shine their own.

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.”

What I Think

As I see it, it’s not about being “full of ourselves” or “arrogant”–it’s about being confident and secure.

I believe that self-confidence and arrogance are two very different things.

True self-confidence gives you the ability to feel good about yourself, while still genuinely encouraging others to shine their brightest and celebrating their accomplishments and general awesomeness as you celebrate your own.

Arrogance, on the other hand, is based in insecurity, an often secret fear of not being good enough (or maybe, as Williamson believes, a fear of success). In either case, that fear makes you want to push others down in order to lift yourself up–and in the long run, you might find a little bit of superficial success, but you might end up feeling so empty or unfulfilled that you can’t really enjoy it.

That’s just my take, of course.

How do you see it? Please share your thoughts and feelings in the comments section, below. I’d love to know what you think!

You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

Letting Go: Memories Don’t Have to Hurt

Nearly everyone can relate to the feeling of not being able to let go of something that is no longer useful in their lives.

Whether it’s a painful memory or a person that isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated, it can often be better to “let go” and allow yourself to heal.

This doesn’t mean you have to forget–just that you have to stop allowing it to color your present and future.

Fact is, we’ve all dealt with issues that have brought up negativity from the past.

Perhaps we thought we had already healed completely–but sometimes, the issues simply lie dormant until something triggers them.

This can make it feel like the proverbial wounds are reopened. Never a good thing.

At any rate, if we hope to find bliss, we must let these issues go and move forward. Letting them color our present would be cheating ourselves out of the happiness we have in our lives today.

How to let go of negativity and pain from the past

Can you simply forget these things, or to heal from them? What is the solution? Can anything be done?

  • First, simply decide to be happy. Decide to accept only the lessons and love from the past, and try to let negative emotions pass through you, noticed but not dwelled upon. Choose to stay positive and to let go of the pain from the past.
  • Second, remember that no matter what happened, there’s nothing we can do to change the past. There’s no time machine, no going back. We can only move forward. We are in control of our emotions, and we can choose to feel good. Feeling good brings more good into our lives. Negativity begets more negativity.

The choice should seem simple.

Every single one of us has experienced life changing events–both positive and negative. Even positive changes can be scary, but for those of us who have trouble overcoming negative ones, there’s hope, and it’s so easy.

Just feel good.

Take care of your body, take care of your soul. Nurture the real you, and introduce him or her to the world. Be comfortable in your skin, and in your place in the world. Take your spot, take it now, and the universe will take its cue from you.

Decide to be happy today. Decide to move forward and release all negativity. Any time you feel negativity coming on, affirm “All good things are coming to me today” or something that fits your situation specifically, and then consciously release the negativity.

I’ll leave you with a final thought, an old Sweedish Proverb:

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”

Will you decide to be happy today? What do you need to “let go” of right now? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

You Don’t Have to Hold the World On Your Shoulders

Mini-Mission: Living in this moment, here with you

The Secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.- Buddha

How often do you find yourself living in the past? Wondering what might have been, or even regretting the choices that brought you to this point?

Every single person in the world has felt this way at one time or another at some point in their lives, but it’s how you choose to deal with these feelings that makes or breaks you.
I know, it sounds very dramatic. And, truth be told, it is.

The fact is that when we focus on the past and dwell on things we can’t change, we are cheating ourselves. And, when we worry about the future, we cheat ourselves. When we’re so concerned with what was or what might be, life passes us by.

It all sounds so simple: just live in the moment. And it should be easy…but as it happens, life can occasionally throw you a curve ball. How can one live in the moment when so many difficulties present themselves? How can one avoid worry and stress?

Maybe you can’t avoid everything, but remember this: life is all about perception. So, for example, when you get out of bed and trip over the cat, you might think, “Oh great, the whole day’s going to be bad.” And, you can bet that it will.

But if you laugh it off and think happy thoughts instead, you’re more likely to have positive experiences.

Even if you don’t believe in the law of attraction, I think we can agree that it FEELS better to be happy and to have a positive outlook. That alone should be enough to give today’s challenge a shot. 🙂

So, bottom line: live for the moment. Feel good. Think happy thoughts!

Mini-Bliss Mission

Need some tips on how to live in the moment? Here’s what Certified Life Coach Helaine Iris advises in her article Live in the moment? How do you do that?:

1. When you find yourself imagining fearful scenarios ask yourself, “Is this the only possibility?” Search for what else could be true, rather than what you fear.

2. Remind yourself that worrying about the future or regretting the past isn’t going to change what has or is going to happen.

3. Do you have a fundamental trust that whatever happens you’re going to be ok? Can you find times from your past that serve as evidence that this is true? If so, draw on that experience.

4. Are your basic needs met, does your life work? Often we move into the future because we think it will be better there. Consider addressing what ever is not in balance so it will become desirable to be more in the now.

5. Practice the power of the present. Focus on something positive or beautiful right here and now and breathe it in. Let yourself fully feel it.

6. Then, be willing to let go of that too and move on to the next moment.

Today, I challenge you to live for the moment. Just for today, look around you and find the beauty and wonder that is in your every day environment.

Breathe…appreciate life…and think happy thoughts.

Want what you’ve got, and you’ll always have what you want. It’s all about this moment, right here, right now.

Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What’s it all about for you? Be it, do it, have it.

I leave you with a final thought, a quote from Henry Drummond.

“You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.”

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments section, below.

 

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