I consider myself a peace-loving person, and I will avoid an argument at all costs in most cases. Still, I’m only human, and sometimes, if I feel strongly enough about a topic, I’ll argue my point. Most of the time, the only people in my life who can provoke me enough to argue on a serious level are people I love. Maybe that’s because I care enough about what they think to try to make them understand my point of view, or maybe it’s because I trust that they’ll still love me when the argument is over…or it could be a little of both.
In any case, because I don’t like to argue (it doesn’t feel good), I do whatever I can to come to an agreeable resolution as quickly as possible. And, being the kind of person I am, I am always looking for ways to make it as painless as possible for all parties involved.
I’ve read all kinds of books and articles and journals on the topic. (I have a slight research fetish, I’ll admit it.) And while I’ve learned plenty of great coping techniques along the way, it all boils down to one basic premise: Effective Communication.
The experts are ultimately in agreement on one thing: if you can effectively communicate your concerns and feelings in a safe environment, free of name calling and excessive anger, you have the best chance at a peaceful resolution–whether you manage to change the mind of your “antagonist” or simply come to an understanding that you can both live with.
So, make your point, make an effort to understand your loved one’s point, and consider each before coming to a mutually agreeable resolution.
Oh, well heck, if we all knew it was so easy–the whole world would be a better place, right?
Yeah, I realize that it’s far more complicated than that–because emotions are involved. And, when it comes to arguing with people you love, the emotions can be understandably more intense than at any other time. Even the most peaceful souls may occasionally find themselves embroiled in heated arguments–the kind that leave a rock in the pit of their stomachs and a lump in their throats.
So what if you could limit the amount of emotion involved, at least during the initial confrontation? What if you could discuss your concerns without screaming or saying things you’d regret later? If you were forced to think before you spoke?
Is that even possible?
Today’s technology offers a surprising solution. These days, almost everyone has a cell phone and the ability to send and receive text messages. So what would happen if you argued via text message?
Arguing via text message? Seriously?
According to a September 2009 tweet from Twitter user @marisberzins, “arguing via text works just about as well as listening to music with your head underwater.”
With all due respect, I strongly disagree.
This morning, my wonderful husband and I had a little argument about some trivial thing (I blame the lack of coffee on my part). And, while we’d normally have spent an hour or two discussing it and coming to a peaceful compromise, this time we decided to try something a little different.
First, we went into separate rooms to allow ourselves to calm down, and then we texted back and forth for a few minutes. Because we were forced to keep our words brief, we quickly got to the meat of the problem and then developed an understanding.
This, without saying things we’d regret or hurting one another’s feelings. Just to the point, honest communication.
When it was all said and done, we understood one another within a few minutes and ended up enjoying a peaceful day.
Don’t Get Me Wrong
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be emotional, and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t share your emotions openly with the people you love. Sometimes, those knock-down drag-out types of arguments have their place in a relationship–maybe they enhance passion, force you to see one another in new ways or help you to release anger or frustration in a safe place.
With that said, the fact is that arguing doesn’t feel good–and your feelings and emotions have a lot to do with what you draw into your life. The more negativity you allow yourself to experience in your life, the more negativity you’ll draw in. So, it would seem logical that, if we must argue, we do so as quickly and effectively as possible. Arguing via text messaging is one way to do just that.
What do you think? Would you ever argue via text message?