I consider myself a peace-loving person, and I will avoid an argument at all costs in most cases. Still, I’m only human, and sometimes, if I feel strongly enough about a topic, I’ll argue my point. Most of the time, the only people in my life who can provoke me enough to argue on a serious level are people I love. Maybe that’s because I care enough about what they think to try to make them understand my point of view, or maybe it’s because I trust that they’ll still love me when the argument is over…or it could be a little of both.
In any case, because I don’t like to argue (it doesn’t feel good), I do whatever I can to come to an agreeable resolution as quickly as possible. And, being the kind of person I am, I am always looking for ways to make it as painless as possible for all parties involved.
I’ve read all kinds of books and articles and journals on the topic. (I have a slight research fetish, I’ll admit it.) And while I’ve learned plenty of great coping techniques along the way, it all boils down to one basic premise: Effective Communication.
The experts are ultimately in agreement on one thing: if you can effectively communicate your concerns and feelings in a safe environment, free of name calling and excessive anger, you have the best chance at a peaceful resolution–whether you manage to change the mind of your “antagonist” or simply come to an understanding that you can both live with.
So, make your point, make an effort to understand your loved one’s point, and consider each before coming to a mutually agreeable resolution.
Oh, well heck, if we all knew it was so easy–the whole world would be a better place, right?
Yeah, I realize that it’s far more complicated than that–because emotions are involved. And, when it comes to arguing with people you love, the emotions can be understandably more intense than at any other time. Even the most peaceful souls may occasionally find themselves embroiled in heated arguments–the kind that leave a rock in the pit of their stomachs and a lump in their throats.
So what if you could limit the amount of emotion involved, at least during the initial confrontation? What if you could discuss your concerns without screaming or saying things you’d regret later? If you were forced to think before you spoke?
Is that even possible?
Today’s technology offers a surprising solution. These days, almost everyone has a cell phone and the ability to send and receive text messages. So what would happen if you argued via text message?
Arguing via text message? Seriously?
With all due respect, I strongly disagree.
This morning, my wonderful husband and I had a little argument about some trivial thing (I blame the lack of coffee on my part). And, while we’d normally have spent an hour or two discussing it and coming to a peaceful compromise, this time we decided to try something a little different.
First, we went into separate rooms to allow ourselves to calm down, and then we texted back and forth for a few minutes. Because we were forced to keep our words brief, we quickly got to the meat of the problem and then developed an understanding.
This, without saying things we’d regret or hurting one another’s feelings. Just to the point, honest communication.
When it was all said and done, we understood one another within a few minutes and ended up enjoying a peaceful day.
Don’t Get Me Wrong
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be emotional, and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t share your emotions openly with the people you love. Sometimes, those knock-down drag-out types of arguments have their place in a relationship–maybe they enhance passion, force you to see one another in new ways or help you to release anger or frustration in a safe place.
With that said, the fact is that arguing doesn’t feel good–and your feelings and emotions have a lot to do with what you draw into your life. The more negativity you allow yourself to experience in your life, the more negativity you’ll draw in. So, it would seem logical that, if we must argue, we do so as quickly and effectively as possible. Arguing via text messaging is one way to do just that.
What do you think? Would you ever argue via text message?
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.