“You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life that lights you up. Don’t ever forget that.” ~Coco Calla
Going through narcissistic abuse in a toxic relationship is one of those situations that steals your soul, in a way. What I mean is that it teaches you that you don’t matter and that your thoughts and feelings aren’t as real or relevant as other people’s thoughts and feelings. You might think you don’t deserve to have “nice things” in your life, and that you are, in general, just not as “good” as other people. You might feel broken, damaged, or even somehow inferior to literally everyone else. You might feel like a fraud – like everything you are is fake, even if you can’t be sure why you feel this way.
But there’s something you need to know if this resonates with you: those feelings are inaccurate. You matter. Your thoughts and feelings are real and relevant and they are worth hearing. You are a real person and you absolutely are as important and as good as everyone else. You may have suffered some traumas, and that doesn’t make you bad. You might have a lot of healing to do, but that doesn’t make you less real. You might still be trying to figure out who you really are – and that is a beautiful thing if you allow it to be.
And when you think that you don’t deserve “good things” in your life, you’re thinking thoughts that, in a way, aren’t even your own. See, you most likely came to believe this because of the narcissists (and other toxic people in your life) who told you that you weren’t good enough in so many different ways.
Narcissistic Abuse Changes You
Being with a narcissist changes who you become in some pretty big ways. It changes you from someone who might have been a happy, confident, secure person into someone who doubts their worth and their value every day. It takes away your ability to have a healthy, full life and causes you to hyper-focus on it as you try in vain to resolve it, repeatedly, over and over again.
What happens during a relationship with a toxic narcissist to lead to these changes? In this video, I walk you through some of the most common feelings and experiences that lead to the loss of self in a toxic relationship, plus we will talk about self-help techniques you can use to heal and start to find yourself again.
These toxic parents, spouses and other partners, family members, and friends would have made you feel worthless, invisible, perpetually pressured, and unimportant, or some combination of these feelings. They would have led you to believe that your value was conditional: you were only “okay” if you were doing exactly what they wanted you to do. But thankfully, that’s not the truth. Those people were WRONG. So, let’s discuss why you DO deserve to have the things, people, and situations you want in your life you want and how you can go about realizing that you are good enough.
Change Your Narrative
Toxic relationships can make you feel like you don’t deserve anything good. Your parents, teachers, school bullies, friends, and other people in your childhood may have made you feel this way with the way they treated you. The beliefs that these people taught us (about both ourselves and the world around us) can be deep-rooted and hard to let go of – but with a little intention and focus, it’s entirely possible.
So how do you stop thinking this way?
Start with unconditional self-acceptance – accept yourself without judgment, flaws and all. This video offers tips on developing unconditional self-acceptance and self-esteem.
Things that can help you feel better about yourself and your life
- Try a daily gratitude practice – Think of 3 things you love about yourself and 10 things you’re grateful for every single day. And use Intentional vibration management
- Take care of your body. Don’t forget to include the following components of healing.
- Eat properly
- Volunteer to help other people
- Practice self-compassion
Each of these is covered in detail in this video. Plus a replay of the live Q&A at the end of the content.
Be sure to visit Shine.Buzz for more positively-focused content!
Get Help With Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
- Is your relationship making you sick? Take this self-assessment and find out.
- Join one of our free support groups!
- Get one-on-one coaching.
Have you been the victim of narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury? You might enjoy these related articles.
- 12 Ways to Know If You’re in Love With a Narcissist
- Why Narcissists Cheat
- Will My Ex-Narcissist Treat His New Girlfriend Better?
- When Narcissists Claim to be Victims of Narcissists – The Smear Campaign
- Valuable Lessons About Dealing With A Narcissistic Mother
- Want more in life? Raise your standards!
Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy.
She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.