Have you ever thought about the boundaries you had for yourself and your life before you met the narcissist versus the ones you have now, or that you had during the relationship?
Wait. Before you answer that, let me clarify something.
I’m not talking about the fun or silly “I’ll never wear bell bottoms” kind of boundary here (had it, crossed it, can’t wait to do it again, y’all).
I’m talking about the serious, intrinsic, deep down in your gut, “gotta stick to it or your tummy will hurt” kind of boundary.
So, let me ask you – have your basic personal standards changed (or been altered) as a result of a relationship with a toxic narcissist?
And, while we’re asking questions – if you’re unfortunate enough to have a narcissistic parental figure or to have been in the relationship longer than you should, do you even really know what your personal boundaries are, or have they been defined for you?
Narcissists have a way of always pushing your boundaries, sometimes even as a way to amuse themselves when they get bored.
No, I’m not kidding and that is NOT an exaggeration. I’ve been told by more than one narcissist that they just “like to mess with people,” or that they “intentionally start drama to see what people will do.”
They think it’s funny. But sometimes, their agenda is more calculated than “just to amuse myself,” and that’s when you’ve got to be especially cautious.
And that’s because, when it comes to dealing with a narcissist on the regular, you’ve got to recognize that a certain amount of conditioning happens to all of us – even and maybe especially those of us who are very intelligent.
You might find yourself in a panic if you have to stand up for yourself or to say “no” to someone – and you might even have physical symptoms that include dry mouth, dissociation (where you get kind of confused and foggy) and you might even feel dizzy, nauseous or plain old anxious.
And, of course, this is exactly what the narcissist wants, because it allows them to remain in control.
This allows the toxic cycle to continue and repeat. In this video, I’ll fill you in on how to set boundaries with narcissists and difficult people. Setting boundaries in relationships is one of the first steps to healing codependency.