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In this video, I’m sharing the basics on the toxic family structure – which, for families involving narcissists, is shockingly similar across the board. 

Toxic Family Structure: Narcissist, Enabler, Golden Child, Scapegoat and Lost Child

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One Response to Toxic Family Structure: Narcissist, Enabler, Golden Child, Scapegoat and Lost Child

  1. This hits the nail on the head. My husband is the narcissist and I am the Co-Dependent. I wouldn’t say that I ever supported him and his abuse nor did I enforce it, but I did stay with him much longer than I should have. I was the frog in the boiling pot.

    My oldest is the Golden Child. To him, she always was. This daughter is the only child of ours that is still speaking to her father. He is lying and manipulating her but she doesn’t see that. She only wants a relationship with her father and refuses to acknowledge the abuse because she hasn’t seen it. She’s lived out of state for about 10 years and wasn’t here when he was at his worst.

    My middle daughter is the Lost Child. Her father wrote her off like she never existed. She is fully aware of the abuse and cut him off for that reason. He didn’t really abuse her either; she had moved out before he was at his worst. He has not tried to contact her or connect with her in any way. He simply wrote her off because she won’t ‘take his side’. She is a very caring and compassionate woman and doesn’t deserve to be treated like she was never born. She is better off though and she knows that.

    My youngest son is the Scapegoat. His father verbally abused him for years. My son could never do anything right, and his father would yell at him because he did not meet his imaginary expectations. My son has gone No Contact and is moving on with life without his father. He did what he had to do to save himself emotionally. I just hope it’s not too late. I know he suffered emotional damage and I blame myself for that because I didn’t leave long ago.

    We’ve been married for 35 years (divorce in progress) and I didn’t find out what he was until a year ago. It was a very slow progression and what woke me up was the brutal devaluation and discard, followed by an admission of cheating. Prior to that, I just thought he was an alcoholic with anger issues. Once the devaluation hit, I was thrown into a world of chaos and confusion. I didn’t know what the hell happened. I’m still spinning. All these years I thought I knew him, but I never really knew him at all. That is a horrible reality to be faced with. The psychological abuse has been nothing short of terrorism.

    I would like to know more about middle-age and narcissism, and also decompensation. There doesn’t seem to be much information about that. His mid-life crisis seemed to kick everything off but as you know, they don’t have normal ones. They are very extreme.

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