Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

“Narcissism falls along the axis of what psychologists call personality disorders, one of a group that includes antisocial, dependent, histrionic, avoidant and borderline personalities. But by most measures, narcissism is one of the worst, if only because the narcissists themselves are so clueless.” ~Jeffrey Kluger

A report in Cosmopolitan Magazine offers ten very insightful points into the psyche of your everyday, average narcissist – and if you keep these in mind when you’re dealing with one, you’ll find yourself feeling much more in control of the situation. 

Need more help dealing with your narcissist? Check out my most recent book,Take Back Your Life: 103 Highly-Effective Strategies to Snuff Out a Narcissist’s Gaslighting and Enjoy the Happy Life You Really Deserve (Detoxifying Your Life Series) at 

Cosmo’s insights were, in brief, as follows – but be sure to click the link at the end of this post and see the full explanation on the website. 

1. You can’t shame a narcissist – they’ll make your life much harder if you do. 

2. The reason they’re so fragile and insecure on the inside and mean and hateful on the outside goes all the way back to childhood. Though researchers believe there might be a genetic component, the truth is that the way a child is raised has a great deal to do with how they turn out. 

Also of note: 

  • There are two ways to “create” a narcissist – by denying a child unconditional love so they never feel comfortable in the emotional love, or to totally go the opposite direction and overindulging, overpraising and underdisciplining the child – making them believe they’re overly special.
  • This would indicate that the term “happy medium” could apply to good parenting (My note)

3. Kids who got big responsibilities at early ages are more often narcissists than those who didn’t, whether it was direct responsibility such as for a sibling or indirect such as for the emotional health of a parent. This leads to their adult selves always seeking approval and trying too hard, never allowing themselves to just “be,” rather requiring to be the center of attention. 

4. A narcissist desperately needs to feel superior to everyone around him, because inside they don’t feel like they’re good enough. And they react with contempt to anyone who seems to have something they lack. 

5. Narcissists think big – that is, they are grandiose thinkers because they feel like it fills some hole inside themselves. 

6. They have a huge sense of entitlement – they think they DESERVE to have what they want without regard for the needs and desires of those around them. 

7. They haven’t met a boundary they haven’t crossed, and if you don’t put a stop to it when it begins, they’ll keep crossing until they’ve crossed every boundary you’ve got. 

8. If you must confront a narcissist, do it carefully – they respond best to “empathic validation,” Cosmo says. So you should always “affirm the relationship first before you share anything that doesn’t feel right,” said a psychologist interviewed by the mag. “For example, if it’s someone you’re dating, say to them: ‘I care about you a lot, so when you don’t listen to what I’m saying, I feel like I’m nothing in your eyes,’ instead of ‘Why don’t you ever listen to me?'”

take back your powerNeed help with feeling powerful when you’re dealing with an extremely toxic narcissist?

Check out my book – Take Back Your Power: How to End People People Pleasing, Stop Letting Life Happen to You and Start Getting What You Want

About the book: Do you find yourself giving all you’ve got and people still want more? Do you sometimes do without what you want or need in order to keep the people around you happy? Are you afraid to deal with confrontation and do you often find it easier to just go with the flow in order to keep the peace?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a people pleaser. Many people pleasers are also very empathic people, who are especially attractive to toxic types who love to take advantage every chance they get.

In this book, you’ll learn how to stop feeling the need to make everyone else happy and start figuring out what makes you happy, personally, and really – not someone else’s idea of what’s supposed to make you happy,

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9. The only thing that might motivate a narcissist to change is having a meaningful consequence for their bad behavior. For example, a healthy narcissist might avoid cheating on a spouse in order to preserve the relationship, because “if the consequences are high enough, they might start to reevaluate their actions.” 

10. No matter how intelligent and together a narcissist is in other ways, they are emotional toddlers. Cosmo’s experts both noted that the best way to deal with a narcissist who is raging is to consider them like you would a two-year-old who is throwing a tantrum, and that most of that is just their way of “putting on a show.” Both agreed that as long as you’re not in physical danger, you have to pick your battles and decide what you will and will not tolerate, and then make your choices accordingly. 

Like I said, I find all of this stuff very insightful and totally on-target. What do you think? 

BTW, I’ve also got a couple of other books on the topic – including Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now.

See Story on Cosmo’s website: click here

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8 Responses to Exposed! 10 Shocking Facts Your Narcissist Doesn’t Want You to Know

  1. This entire list describes my father. He almost destroyed my life, so I unwittingly became the “scapegoat”-“rebel.” Now, with people like you, I am finding out that there has been no problems with me!! He is a narc!!! He knows no shame and was the golden child……he never grew up. He gets his way through charm/intimidation…..joking around/temper tantrums….etc etc. He must be the center of attention………my goodness he is everyone of the 10 listed here!!

    • Best thing to do with these monsters is GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM! Don’t coddle a beast, unless you want to be devoured.

  2. If narcissism was caused by “the way a child is raised” and not GENETICS (see book of GENEsis Chapter 3 verse 15) then there would be no SCAPEGOATS of Narcissist Parents! They would ALL be NARCISSISTS. Think about.

  3. If you want to make a narc go beserk, ignore him (her), reject him or talk about leaving. Be flat and unemotional or flippant.

    But they may lash out physically, so beware.

  4. they are devils

  5. I want out of my Narc’s life!!! However, he controls all of the money and makes threats about how I will be nothing w/o him here to “take care” of me. I also take care of my 4 grand children and I love it dearly so, if I make any changes o my living arrangement my finances go with that hand in hand. I will not be able to afford to watch them (for free) I might add. It would break my heart to not see them everyday and he uses this against me! What to do?

    • Talk to a narsist trama specialist attorney.

    • Also document and record everything for evidence. If you need help writing theirs online line forums for legal help in writing docs. Certify everything. Go to talk to attorneys for free. And last but least conntact free domrstic help hotlines. They can be a witness in court with their audio recordings. Also know how to tell you what to do in realtime. Dont tell him. Narc rage can end up in deadly violence. They have no boundaries. In the news theirs alot of narcs that have killed loved ones..

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