How to Train a Narcissist: A Non-Toxic, Repeatable Two-Step Plan to Get a Narcissist to Treat You Better

Written by Angela Atkinson

Sometimes, when you find yourself enmeshed in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, even though you realize your best option would be to leave or go no-contact, it isn’t always a real possibility in every situation. For example, you might be co-parenting or working with a narcissist.

Sometimes, you just want things to go smoothly – you’re not in the mood for a narcissist’s usual games, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation. And you’re certainly not feeling like fending off any narcissistic rage, or narcissistic injury.

That’s right. Sometimes, you just want first aid – a quick and simple way to make life easier for a while – to make the narcissist just BE NICE TO YOU.

PLEASE NOTE: This ONLY works if you ARE NOT IN ANY DANGER OF A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE REACTION! If you are being physically abused or you think you might be soon, visit this page.

How do you train a narcissist to be nice to you?

The process is so simple that you might not believe it. But I promise you, it works – and I’ve learned this through both experience and research. Here’s what you need to know (and exactly the steps you take) to make a narcissist be nice to you.

Step One: Do not reward “bad” behavior with the narcissist’s desired or expected reaction.

So: Your only response to negative behavior is “GRAY ROCK.”  PLEASE NOTE: Using gray rock can and may induce narcissistic rage, narcissistic injury, and extreme gaslighting. You may feel angry or upset – but DO NOT show it, no matter what. Stay positive and polite.

Step Two: Reward “good” behavior with what the narcissist needs from you: love, admiration, and a proper place on the pedestal.

When the narcissist behaves in a way that is tolerable for you, even if you recognize it as love bombing or idealization, take a deep breath, and bestow all the love and admiration you can on them. Be sure to tell them how amazing and wonderful and perfect they are – and do it as sincerely if you can.

Things to Know About How to Train a Narcissist

  • Please Note: This can even work if you’re dealing with an ex in a co-parenting situation or a boss or co-worker – just adjust to make it appropriate for the situation.
  • Be consistent. You can NEVER stop these practices if you hope to keep this thing going. The narcissist will absolutely and repeatedly try their typical abuse patterns and manipulation tactics not to mention other “bad” behaviors. This means you will need to be very in control of your emotions to make this happen. BUT you CAN do it if you choose to – and it will make life less actively painful, at least for a while.

Bottom line: Don’t expect miracles.

Based on both research and experience, I can tell you that narcissists won’t ever change for the most part. In theory, they could change – but I’ve never actually seen it in person. So make sure you understand that this will be your new way of life if you choose to stick it out. This can be dangerous for your own mental health, so please know that it’s a temporary fix and not one that you can feasibly use forever.

I still suggest that you work on planning your escape if you’re still living with a narcissist, as always. If that’s of interest to you, check out my free PLAN (Planning to Leave a Narcissist) Guide.

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