Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” ~Joseph Joubert

Ever been stuck in the middle of an argument between two people? If so, you know exactly how gut-wrenching it can be for all involved. 

There are times when a well-placed nugget of wisdom can literally fix a problem someone’s having with another person.

That’s when it helps to offer insight and advice when you see what could help (as is often the case when you’re connected but not directly involved, a third party perspective can often be useful).

But sometimes, especially with smart, stubborn people like narcissists, you have to stay out of a situation and let people deal with it on their own.

See, in general, most narcissists just aren’t receptive to advice unless they choose to be.

You might say they work on pure energy and emotion, so when the energy and emotion aren’t entirely positive, they cannot focus on what’s really happening and everything becomes clouded, distorting their thoughts and sense of being present.

Their every interaction becomes tinged by the negativity and they begin to see it spill into other parts of their lives – most notably, their relationships.

So if you push them to fix their issues, you’ll simply become part of that negative energy they feel and they’ll direct it to you as well. 

And you know what happens then? Triangulation – the narcissist  begins to play you and the other person off each other and then it gets even worse: you become a source of narcissistic supply.

But if you take a different road and literally refuse to get involved, you actually do the narcissist and his current victim a favor.

If the issue is resolvable and if resolving it matters to the narcissist, they’ll get through it, one way or another. This is even more probable if the relationship is important for him or her. 

It might be painful to watch but you’ve got to just look away while they work through it – even if you are certain that your advice could really change things. By choosing to let go of stuff and work through it on their own, their relationship becomes stronger and better than it was before, and your own nose stays clean. 

I don’t know – that sounds like a win-win to me. How about you? 

Need help with a narcissistic relationship? Check out the Detoxifying Your Life Series by Angela Atkinson at 

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One Response to Triangulation: Why you should never try to fix an argument for a narcissist

  1. That was really cool. Triangulation…another NARC related term to ad to list. The only thing this video missed was a little background hint about the NARC. She to me would be the STEALTH NARC…the one lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce……..when asked to go out….the Narc was let out of the cage.

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