A very precise comparison in our view of the narcissistic abuser is to compare them to vampires. These people do indeed “extract” from us our energy and emotions to the point of exhaustion, financial resources, health, and they also draw away from us our sense of self, and drain away other relationships such as family and friendships (sometimes not allowing their victim to maintain those relationships at all).
Perhaps you’ve experienced that particularly alluring yet covertly toxic moment when you do indeed see right through your abuser’s tactics (you may even have left or they left you), but now they’ve flipped that switch again…wanting forgiveness, to come back, promising the very moon itself.
“Let me in” – the words seem to form a fog around you.
Consider this moment like a vampire movie, when the main character is awoken by a horrific yet familiar face floating at their bedroom window, woefully begging for that person to unlock the window, to allow the vampire in, accompanied by complaints of the cold, begging for your help, or giving reminders that this now ghastly-faced creature was once beloved. If that story’s character is so enamored in that moment that they unlatch that window, what’s next?
The vampire’s true intent is revealed once inside, and another victim is taken.
What happens instead if the window remains locked and measures are taken to instead eradicate the vampire?
If your abuser has drawn narcissistic supply off you again and again but is now demonstrating the steps of the falsified, trance-like lure for the above-described goal, leave your “window” locked. Keep your awareness high. Create and maintain your boundaries. Your anti-abuse “crucifix” is making a full, undaunted use of anti-sociopath education…and the drive to pursue that knowledge is self-love/keeping yourself safe against any current or future vampires.
Jenney Moore is a lifelong resident of the Pacific NW, and a survivor of a 25-year abusive marriage. She stayed as long as she did simply due to being unaware of personality disorders.
“I’d never even heard the term, and was incredibly naïve…at every promise he made to change, I tearfully bought in again and again”, she remembers.
Finally leaving in 2012, she now works giving support in multiple Facebook abuse victims’ support groups including one she and several fellow admins started at New Year of 2019, and works as a senior administrative assistant for a major utility company.
She is a singer/musician, visual artist, fitness enthusiast, and shares her home with her daughter and son-in-law.