~BUT HE WANTED ME~
Yes, abusers “want” us…
…like sharks, once they smell blood in the water, they “want” the injured, struggling fish.
Our self-devaluation is the signal to the sociopath that we are the desperate, grasping-for-anything-that-looks-like-love victim tailor-made to their needs to
- dominate, then
Yes, it’s done purposefully. Everything they do or plan is for one goal: Power. To manipulate others and swing their emotions from joy to sorrow is their high.
And no, his disorder is not curable by any means. This is permanent. You, however, can heal …but not so long as you continue to cleave to him. To do so is to try to have your home in a nuclear reactor. Not everyone we lose is truly a loss. This person does not merit the high value you thought. The person who truly has value is you, but you’ve never acknowledged it in yourself.
The truths here are concrete:
- You are a lovable, valid human being…him not seeing it deeply devalues HIM, not you. Stop measuring yourself by a profoundly flawed barometer/gauge.
- Self-love will literally save your life. It forms the foundation of every decision and choice…how you eat, the job you choose to work, your long-term health, and what sorts of people are given permission to be in your life.
- We are sold this unhealthy and false concept of “Be coupled or you’re nothing” from every crevice of our society. It’s on the radio, it’s in movies, it’s in advertising … we’re pummeled with this idea which feeds fear. Meanwhile the nourishing, stabilizing concept of self-love and acceptance are woefully under-taught, and even shamed as egomania or being stuck-up. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is where your work MUST start. Today.
- Abuse WILL find you again if you don’t ally with yourself. Guaranteed. To disregard yourself is to abuse yourself…think about that. And yes, some other abuser will pry his way into your life, too, if you were to elect not to address this in yourself.
- You cannot have any further contact with abusers and their toxicity. You can’t heal from a poisoning by continuing to take gulps off the bottle of strychnine.
Jenney Moore is a lifelong resident of the Pacific NW, and a survivor of a 25-year abusive marriage. She stayed as long as she did simply due to being unaware of personality disorders.
“I’d never even heard the term, and was incredibly naïve…at every promise he made to change, I tearfully bought in again and again”, she remembers.
Finally leaving in 2012, she now works giving support in multiple Facebook abuse victims’ support groups including one she and several fellow admins started at New Year of 2019, and works as a senior administrative assistant for a major utility company.
She is a singer/musician, visual artist, fitness enthusiast, and shares her home with her daughter and son-in-law.