Ever get tired of being abused by a narcissist? Feel like you want revenge? Would you like to know how to make a narcissist obsessed with you? Have you wished you knew how to make a narcissist suffer or how to make a narcissist feel guilty? What if I could tell you exactly how to make a narcissist feel bad?
Well, if you want to know how to control a narcissist and get them to do what you want or to give him/her a taste of their own medicine, this is what you do.*
*Fair Warning: You need to know that while this information can be useful, there’s such a thing as karma – and maybe you don’t want to do this. The fact is that two wrongs don’t make a right. With that being said, I get it – sometimes, you just want to make a narcissist feel the way he or she makes YOU feel – to give him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe that’s because you think it’ll help him get a sense of empathy – but it won’t, at least not for long. However, it WILL cause him to be under your control for a period of time, so if that’s what you want, read on – or watch this video.
How to Torture a Narcissist in 10 Steps
So, if you want to torture, torment and control a narcissist, here’s what you do.
1. Look as physically attractive as possible, at all times. Narcissists NEED to feel like they’ve got something everyone else wants – so you’ve got to make your look desirable to them. This, along with the following tips, will surely make the narcissist obsessed with you.
2. Be extremely sure of yourself. If the narcissist calls you conceited, you reply with something like, “Conceited? No way! I’m just convinced – have you seen the statistics?” This is right on their level – they’ll “get” it and it’ll make them want you more because they secretly wish they could be that way.
3. Never say “I love you too.” It’ll keep them wondering! And it’ll keep them chasing you relentlessly. (Like children, narcissists always want what they cant have!)
4. Keep a certain amount of distance between the two of you – and never commit to anything, ever.
5. Be flirty and aloof – and if you’re ever accused of flirting with someone else, make sure that you quickly turn it around to make the narcissist seem crazy.
6. Make them beg for your approval! How? So easy – just politely and underhandedly point out their imperfections – i.e. “it’s so great that you’re so comfortable with your appearance – I wouldn’t be so confident if my eyes were so far apart, etc.” or “wow, your face would be totally perfect if only your nose wasn’t quite so crooked.” *Note – the “imperfection” doesn’t even need to be real – because the narc will obsess about even perceived imperfections and constantly seek your approval. One more example of this tactic: “I love how you will go out in public looking like shit without even caring – how do you manage to find the confidence even carrying around those extra pounds? You are so OWNING it!”
7. Be way too busy for them all the time. (But if you do make plans, be sure to follow through).
8. Throw a crazy bitch-fit every now and again. Get DRAMATIC! Be unapologetic when you overreact to something small – and let the narcissist know that it’s not your fault – you don’t know how to deal with your feelings because you just have never felt enough about anyone else to actually feel ANYTHING, let alone enough to freak out. (The idea here is that they’ll think this makes them special – that they can evoke such emotion in you, and they’ll want to control you – that’s the closest thing a narcissist ever feels to love).
9. Keep this crazy rollercoaster on its track until you’re over it – and then immediately pull the “discard” phase on them – go no contact. This will make the narc desperate for your attention – after all, you’ll have managed to build a toxic relationship on the basis of insecurities and manipulation. That’s the best kind as far as the narcissist is concerned.
10. Realize that no matter what you do, the narcissist will NEVER truly love you. It’s not you – it’s them. See, the narcissist doesn’t have the capacity to love – but if you want to learn to control a narcissist, these steps are the ones to follow.
Bottom Line: If you do this, it’ll be bad for your karma – but it might feel good for a moment.
While it might be very tempting to manipulate and control a narcissist, the truth is that it’s only going to be a band-aid – the giant empty spot in a narcissist’s soul is unfillable.
So, the truth is that if you’re not able to go no-contact, relating to the need is the best strategy you can use to cope. That is, be aware of the narcissist’s limitations and learn to employ the gray rock practice – go “flat” and react with zero emotion. It’s the only way to really effectively communicate with a narcissist.
But remember this: the best revenge you can take on a narcissist is truly living well and happily WITHOUT THEM.
Your turn: Have you ever wanted to torture a narcissist? How’d that work out for you?
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.