Thoughts on this post? Share them with me on Facebook, join the SPANily or Tweet me at @angieatkinson. ~Angie

If you are personally or professionally involved with a narcissist in a toxic relationship and due to the circumstances, you aren’t able to take the most effective action for dealing with it (going no contact), you might find yourself struggling to have a reasonable conversation with him or her. 

how to communicate effectively with narcissist

This is because, by nature, the narcissist is wired to instigate drama, manipulate and generally do his best to make it all about him. This can be both exhausting and frustrating for anyone trying to deal with a narc. 

The One Rule You Need to Use to Effectively Communicate With a Narcissist

A narcissist’s toolbox is full of manipulative tactics – you would not believe how many different ways they’ll try to get what they want (not to mention how “low” they’ll go).  

There’s one simple rule when it comes to communicating effectively with a narcissist – and it’s so basic that you’ll be shocked when I tell you what it is. 

The rule is: do not engage the narcissist

What do I mean by this? 

It’s simple: keep emotion out of it. When the narcissist tries to manipulate and provoke you, which he or she inevitably will, you have to maintain an air of professional-type detachment. Try to see the narcissist as almost a stranger and communicate with him on that level. 

The Gray Rock Rule

Some people refer to this rule as the “gray rock” rule of communication. According to, you deal with the narcissist if you have to, “but only give boring, monotonous responses so that the parasite must go elsewhere for his supply of drama.”

By sticking to the gray rock rule, you can bet that your narcissist will lose interest quickly. That’s because it’ll retrain his brain to consider you “boring” and essentially, you’ll no longer be an effective source of narcissistic supply. 

He’ll move on and find someone else to torture, if all goes as expected – and with a narcissist, it generally does – they’re not especially unpredictable, believe it or not. 

Need help dealing with a narcissistic relationship? You might enjoy my book, Your Love is My Drug: How to Shut Down a Narcissist, Detoxify Your Relationships & Live the Awesome Life You Really Deserve, Starting Right Now

Now it’s your turn. What are the most effective ways you’ve found to deal with a narcissist? Have you tried the “gray rock” method before? Does it work for you? Share your thoughts and experiences below. 

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