Let me ask you a question. Do you prefer Monday morning at 10 a.m. or Friday evening at 5:30 p.m.?
If you’re married to a narcissist, or you just live with one, I’ll bet you prefer Mondays – or your version of it (some people’s Mondays are Saturdays – depends on work schedules). Am I right?
Now, how could I possibly know this?
Well, sadly, when you’re in a relationship with a toxic narc, you learn that weekends are just extended periods of exhausting and frustrating attempts to communicate and connect.
This is the standard M.O. of a narcissist: someone who refuses to understand and who intentionally keeps himself mentally and emotionally separate from you, peppered with toxic verbal and emotional abuse.
That’s how I knew that you’re more of a Monday kind of girl. Feel me?
Why You Dread Weekends When You Have to Spend Them With a Narcissist
Picture it: It’s Friday morning, and you’re teetering somewhere between hope and dread.
As your narcissist gets ready to go to work, you feign happy, cheerful morning face as you do your best to prevent the typical pre-weekend drama.
Whether you’re off to work yourself or you’re sticking around to hold down the fort, there is a buzz of panic around you, and whether you admit it to yourself or not, it’s because you’re mentally preparing for the inevitable.
He tells you he’s going out tonight, just “him and the guys.” And since they’re going to a late-night bar and plan to drink, he says, he’s going to bunk at his (perpetually single) friend’s place after the end of the night.
In your mind, a million little bombs go off – as his wife, you see many obviously logical objections to this setup. But you don’t verbalize them, because you know that he will only twist everything and create a reason to put on a big show of narcissistic injury, which quickly turns to rage.
You try to stay calm and avoid asking too many questions, but he’s come for a fight and he challenges your gray rock-like stance at every turn.
He storms out, angry and feeling justified in his blatant and abrupt discard of you, the evil offender of his ever-so-sensitive nature.
You’re left spinning – you have just been gaslighted again.
The next day, he unabashedly starts another argument that seems to stem from almost nothing after he stays out all night again.
Long ago, you defined rules as a couple and lately he’s been breaking them, more and more often – and generally with no remorse.
If you dare to behave any way except as though you’re perfectly content with his disrespectful behavior, he will belittle your intelligence, question your sanity and your general worthiness as a person, and use completely bullshit reasons (stated in a loud, offended manner as to increase their authority and truth – like qualities) to justify his behavior.
And even if he admits to being wrong about anything at all, he will only tolerate being “not perfect” for an unnaturally short time (hours, if you’re lucky) before he expects you to just get over it already.
So, you swallow it down, shut your mouth and you don’t ask questions. You barely breathe and you try to keep your face clear of your real feelings. You know that even a hint of a look of anything other than neutral emotion could trigger another episode of gaslighting.
All of this, before Saturday at noon.
Now, ask yourself one question: is this all there is?
In case you can’t decide, let me ask you this: can you tell me that you actually enjoy spending time with your narcissist on a daily basis? Can you say that you love your life?
If not, ask yourself: can my life get better? If so, what can I do to make that happen?
If a miracle happened and your life became instantly perfect, what would change? Be honest with yourself here.
Would you keep the narcissist as he is, today, or would you drop him (or change his behavior)?
Are you willing to keep taking it? Aren’t you ready to love your life again?
I say it’s time to take back your weekends, my friend.
Need help? Maybe you’d be interested in trying out my new Udemy course – it’s called Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse.
Here’s a quick overview.
The course went live yesterday and I am SO FREAKING THRILLED to tell you that I’ve already had more than 500 people sign up. The early reviews have been very positive, and since so many people have been telling me how helpful it’s been for their healing, I have decided to offer it to my QB readers for half price through Friday only.
Here are the details on how to get your 50 percent discount:
Learn more about the Rewrite Your Story After Narcissistic Abuse course here (this is also your link to save 50% – that’s $25 in savings!) – if you use any other link, you’ll have to pay full price. (Only ONE catch – this deal ends April 20, so it’s really important that you use the coupon link now – why pay full price if you don’t have to?)
((PSST: If you’re not in a position to spend money, I completely understand – life with a narcissist can be difficult – especially when financial abuse is an issue. In that case, you’ve got options! Take my free 5-day email course and visit this resources page for plenty of free help and support, and join our free online support group, SPAN.))
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.