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Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Training: This is What a Relationship With a Narcissist Is Like

Use this video to help friends and family members understand how it feels to be with a narcissist and what the psychology of these toxic relationships is really all about.

Here are a few more videos that might help – all focused on understanding the dynamic of a narcissistic relationship. Hugs and love to you!
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5 Responses to What a Relationship With a Narcissist is Really Like

  1. Thanks to you, I am now soooooooo aware of what’s happening to me. Is there any way to break away slowly or should you handle it like “ripping off a bandage”?😂

  2. I wrote a poem about my experiences – doesn’t cover it but I thought I’d give you back something for all the effort you put in to help survivors. If I had seen your work when I wrote this poem I would have acknowledged you as well. Still in recovery, and alone but safe now.

    Thank you so much for the work that you do.
    In appreciation-

    Liz

    The Dark Triad

    I was planning my travel to Washington
    to present my paper
    on female sexuality
    when someone suggested
    go to Provincetown
    you’ll love it! So I took the ferry
    from Boston and walked my suitcase
    along Commercial Street all the way
    to Heritage House. Hearing this louder
    voice across the breakfast room
    telling a story, I was intrigued.
    My mother had told stories
    and I loved hearing them.
    Did she remind me of my mother?
    Is that why I fell so hard?

    So now I tell my story -how I was seduced
    love-bombed -you don’t realize
    how quickly it can happen – much laughter
    a naked swim in the ocean off Herring Cove beach
    a meal at Napi’s, a few kisses and I am hooked
    Seeing me off on the 5 seater plane
    to Washington, she wept, she pleaded
    keep in touch, I love you.

    I did not even know her name.
    She called me on my birthday. Booked us in
    at the Kalamari hotel, photocopied
    papers for me, sat
    adoringly as I spoke to my paper
    a devotee, an assistant, hot
    with desire for me. I know
    I was lonely then -an innocent, utterly naive-
    in grief as well, and vulnerable
    I looked for comfort. I had no-one.
    I needed to be needed-
    but worse than that-
    I did not know that not everyone
    has a good heart.
    She seized the moment
    to sweep me off my feet.

    With hindsight there were
    red flags -private moments
    made too public, some crude
    talk that startled my senses
    She had an over the top energy
    and an eager zest for life
    that pushed
    my quiet boundaries -tho’ looking back
    this drew me to her even more
    her insane intensity
    excited me – it felt like life on the edge
    an adventure calling me to life
    – she was technicolor
    to my black grey and white

    The risk was real – adrenaline zested
    we had fantastic sex, travelled to Hawaii
    every day planned for maximum delight
    I never lived like this-she took me places
    I had never been – I put it down to her being
    American, did not question

    I wanted to believe she was wholesome
    and sweet, that I was loved and
    protected. She bowled me over
    with her adoring eyes, put me on
    her pedestal. Her awesome
    charisma stunned me. How could I resist
    her sweet words, her caresses
    extravagant promises, the powerful, urgent passion?
    Something in me answers to her wildness
    her intensity, her need of me. She was
    the romance of my life-
    I came to her with joy

    No, it’s not that
    I was hit, or anything like that-
    though she did toss her diet-coke
    in my face, one time.
    It was the way I folded the laundry
    she didn’t like the way I tucked
    the corners of our bed. My voice
    was too English, I spoke too quietly
    in the restaurant, my dinner conversation
    underwhelmed. How I planted flowers in the garden,
    did not suit her – until, in a one acre
    plot, the one place I was permitted to plant
    was in a six foot square raised box
    my son had made for me.

    I planted dozens of tomatoes
    in that square, American heirlooms, pink
    and red Brandywine tomatoes,
    the super sweet one hundreds –
    luscious red cherries, sungold
    and yellow plum. Rampant they were
    spilling over edges, escaping
    restriction. A small rebellion.

    It wasn’t obvious, the drip-drip
    of intimidation, nothing much
    at first. Once, I found wonderful
    Bing cherries in a farmers market and brought
    them home for her, delighted with their
    ripe freshness, their fat juiciness
    that split in the mouth, a honey-rich tartness
    That day, she also brought cherries home –
    then she saw that mine
    surpassed hers, their glistening glory outdid
    her lesser offering. It was my fault,
    I stood corrected – she needed to punish me
    for my wrongdoing

    Without warning, rage-filled
    contempt floods her face
    again I am in error, vilified, battered with words
    belittled. I question my own judgement,
    shocked into silence.
    I try hard to understand
    eager to please, let her be
    the center of attention, adored
    for that made her happy – I am good at that.
    I get better and better
    I am afraid. Afraid of being alone
    Afraid of being with her

    Fear circles me round. The raging continues
    I am diminished, caught in the web
    of her projections. Lost to myself
    fogged and frozen, confused and spinning
    a frightened mouse
    in the clutches of a cat
    I look for nourishment,
    gentleness, honoring of me, respect
    for my intelligence, tenderness when I am sick-
    cannot see I am in a trance of unworthiness
    addicted to hope, transfixed by the danger
    isolated and alone
    Stockholm-ed, looking for love, cherishing
    small acts of kindness
    from my tormentor
    Walk away
    I told myself
    Walk away now from someone
    I can’t stop loving

    I long to step out of the shadows
    be true to myself and safe from harm
    break my silence, rise above my shame
    at staying so long, willing it to work-
    to take hold of my life with two hands
    reconnect with my lost family, have fun
    with old friends

    The path to an exit happens slowly
    I get help, break my silence, challenge
    my beliefs. Save up, plan my moves
    get my documents together
    change every password
    research the dark triad
    Vaknin gives me answers
    to my questions – clarity
    to escape threats of suicide
    with a clear conscience
    to find my own alone sweetness
    in a Dartmoor cottage garden
    filled with snowdrops, daffodils, crocus
    roses, peonies, asters, poppies
    delphiniums and an arbor
    I build for my self

    The Dark Triad: Machiavellian Behavior, Narcissism, Psychopathology
    Sam Vaknin: YouTube contributor and the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited

  3. Hi Angie, your videos and podcasts have helped me tremendously. I have identified with so much of what you talk about and realise that most of the male relationships in my life have been narcissistic to some degree or another. I’m moving forward in my life and my ex narcissist is trying desperately to make my life hell. Despite being separated for nearly 2 years. We were together 28 years and I’m just starting to understand my relationship dynamic. Thanks for your inspiration and passion about this topic and for sharing it with us. I feel very grateful. Blessings

  4. ONG, this was my 28 year marriage. Completely co-dependant and disfunctional. Addiction, alcoholism and completely toxic in the end. Since leaving my ex husband is completely trying his best to make me the target of hate, complete disdain, blame and is being threatening and abusive. I am striving and thriving in my life and he wants revenge because I’m moving out of my codependenc and he is stuck. I have felt completely responsible for everyone in my life and I’m beginning to learn that my needs and wants are just as valid and important as anybody else’s and it’s my god given right to have my needs met and my feelings felt. I’m starting to stand up for me for the first time in my life! Thanks so much for your knowledge and support it means a great deal to me. Much love and gratitude

  5. I also wanted to say that my adult children 21 and 22 are struggling with alcoholism and drug problems and my ex husband is trying his best to put a wedge between my lads and I and it’s very painful and hard to accept but I continue to make positive changes in my life for myself and ultimately for the greatest good of us all. Thanks again for giving support and strength to move forward in a positive and empowering way.

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