Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Training: This is What a Relationship With a Narcissist Is Like
Use this video to help friends and family members understand how it feels to be with a narcissist and what the psychology of these toxic relationships is really all about.
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Thanks to you, I am now soooooooo aware of what’s happening to me. Is there any way to break away slowly or should you handle it like “ripping off a bandage”?😂
I wrote a poem about my experiences – doesn’t cover it but I thought I’d give you back something for all the effort you put in to help survivors. If I had seen your work when I wrote this poem I would have acknowledged you as well. Still in recovery, and alone but safe now.
Thank you so much for the work that you do.
In appreciation-
Liz
The Dark Triad
I was planning my travel to Washington
to present my paper
on female sexuality
when someone suggested
go to Provincetown
you’ll love it! So I took the ferry
from Boston and walked my suitcase
along Commercial Street all the way
to Heritage House. Hearing this louder
voice across the breakfast room
telling a story, I was intrigued.
My mother had told stories
and I loved hearing them.
Did she remind me of my mother?
Is that why I fell so hard?
So now I tell my story -how I was seduced
love-bombed -you don’t realize
how quickly it can happen – much laughter
a naked swim in the ocean off Herring Cove beach
a meal at Napi’s, a few kisses and I am hooked
Seeing me off on the 5 seater plane
to Washington, she wept, she pleaded
keep in touch, I love you.
I did not even know her name.
She called me on my birthday. Booked us in
at the Kalamari hotel, photocopied
papers for me, sat
adoringly as I spoke to my paper
a devotee, an assistant, hot
with desire for me. I know
I was lonely then -an innocent, utterly naive-
in grief as well, and vulnerable
I looked for comfort. I had no-one.
I needed to be needed-
but worse than that-
I did not know that not everyone
has a good heart.
She seized the moment
to sweep me off my feet.
With hindsight there were
red flags -private moments
made too public, some crude
talk that startled my senses
She had an over the top energy
and an eager zest for life
that pushed
my quiet boundaries -tho’ looking back
this drew me to her even more
her insane intensity
excited me – it felt like life on the edge
an adventure calling me to life
– she was technicolor
to my black grey and white
The risk was real – adrenaline zested
we had fantastic sex, travelled to Hawaii
every day planned for maximum delight
I never lived like this-she took me places
I had never been – I put it down to her being
American, did not question
I wanted to believe she was wholesome
and sweet, that I was loved and
protected. She bowled me over
with her adoring eyes, put me on
her pedestal. Her awesome
charisma stunned me. How could I resist
her sweet words, her caresses
extravagant promises, the powerful, urgent passion?
Something in me answers to her wildness
her intensity, her need of me. She was
the romance of my life-
I came to her with joy
No, it’s not that
I was hit, or anything like that-
though she did toss her diet-coke
in my face, one time.
It was the way I folded the laundry
she didn’t like the way I tucked
the corners of our bed. My voice
was too English, I spoke too quietly
in the restaurant, my dinner conversation
underwhelmed. How I planted flowers in the garden,
did not suit her – until, in a one acre
plot, the one place I was permitted to plant
was in a six foot square raised box
my son had made for me.
I planted dozens of tomatoes
in that square, American heirlooms, pink
and red Brandywine tomatoes,
the super sweet one hundreds –
luscious red cherries, sungold
and yellow plum. Rampant they were
spilling over edges, escaping
restriction. A small rebellion.
It wasn’t obvious, the drip-drip
of intimidation, nothing much
at first. Once, I found wonderful
Bing cherries in a farmers market and brought
them home for her, delighted with their
ripe freshness, their fat juiciness
that split in the mouth, a honey-rich tartness
That day, she also brought cherries home –
then she saw that mine
surpassed hers, their glistening glory outdid
her lesser offering. It was my fault,
I stood corrected – she needed to punish me
for my wrongdoing
Without warning, rage-filled
contempt floods her face
again I am in error, vilified, battered with words
belittled. I question my own judgement,
shocked into silence.
I try hard to understand
eager to please, let her be
the center of attention, adored
for that made her happy – I am good at that.
I get better and better
I am afraid. Afraid of being alone
Afraid of being with her
Fear circles me round. The raging continues
I am diminished, caught in the web
of her projections. Lost to myself
fogged and frozen, confused and spinning
a frightened mouse
in the clutches of a cat
I look for nourishment,
gentleness, honoring of me, respect
for my intelligence, tenderness when I am sick-
cannot see I am in a trance of unworthiness
addicted to hope, transfixed by the danger
isolated and alone
Stockholm-ed, looking for love, cherishing
small acts of kindness
from my tormentor
Walk away
I told myself
Walk away now from someone
I can’t stop loving
I long to step out of the shadows
be true to myself and safe from harm
break my silence, rise above my shame
at staying so long, willing it to work-
to take hold of my life with two hands
reconnect with my lost family, have fun
with old friends
The path to an exit happens slowly
I get help, break my silence, challenge
my beliefs. Save up, plan my moves
get my documents together
change every password
research the dark triad
Vaknin gives me answers
to my questions – clarity
to escape threats of suicide
with a clear conscience
to find my own alone sweetness
in a Dartmoor cottage garden
filled with snowdrops, daffodils, crocus
roses, peonies, asters, poppies
delphiniums and an arbor
I build for my self
The Dark Triad: Machiavellian Behavior, Narcissism, Psychopathology
Sam Vaknin: YouTube contributor and the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
Hi Angie, your videos and podcasts have helped me tremendously. I have identified with so much of what you talk about and realise that most of the male relationships in my life have been narcissistic to some degree or another. I’m moving forward in my life and my ex narcissist is trying desperately to make my life hell. Despite being separated for nearly 2 years. We were together 28 years and I’m just starting to understand my relationship dynamic. Thanks for your inspiration and passion about this topic and for sharing it with us. I feel very grateful. Blessings
ONG, this was my 28 year marriage. Completely co-dependant and disfunctional. Addiction, alcoholism and completely toxic in the end. Since leaving my ex husband is completely trying his best to make me the target of hate, complete disdain, blame and is being threatening and abusive. I am striving and thriving in my life and he wants revenge because I’m moving out of my codependenc and he is stuck. I have felt completely responsible for everyone in my life and I’m beginning to learn that my needs and wants are just as valid and important as anybody else’s and it’s my god given right to have my needs met and my feelings felt. I’m starting to stand up for me for the first time in my life! Thanks so much for your knowledge and support it means a great deal to me. Much love and gratitude
I also wanted to say that my adult children 21 and 22 are struggling with alcoholism and drug problems and my ex husband is trying his best to put a wedge between my lads and I and it’s very painful and hard to accept but I continue to make positive changes in my life for myself and ultimately for the greatest good of us all. Thanks again for giving support and strength to move forward in a positive and empowering way.