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Guest Post by Tonya Vrba

English: A young woman and man embracing while...Two people meet and fall in love.

As the years go by, they profess they will love each other forever. Somewhere along the line, however, one decides they no longer want the relationship and leaves.

Terminating a relationship doesn’t always mean either person stops loving the other. Before we go further, it is important to note the difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

Think of a family member you don’t usually get along with. While you prefer to limit the time you spend with that person, you still love them. They’re family.

Loving a person does not require you to trust them, or even be near them. When a person is in love with another, they feel intimate attachment. Being near that person makes them feel happy and fulfilled.

When someone says they will love another forever, it is usually true. Society molds us to think the one we are dating must regard us a far superior to all the rest. We want to hear that we are far better than our partner’s ex. There are many things wrong with this desire, though.

1. The idea that you are better than someone else may put you uncomfortably high on a pedestal or be a sign that you are meant as a replace to the ex. Ideally, comparing you to an ex should be like comparing apples and oranges. The love your partner had for their ex was unique and the love they have for you is also unique. If you act as a replacement for the lover your partner lost, there’s a good chance they are not completely over their ex.

2. Having resentment or anger toward an ex shows a lack of forgiveness. Especially if your partner was the one who was dumped, they may have dealt with feelings of resentment toward their ex. Forgiveness is always better than resentment. As time goes on, they should come to a point where they forgive their ex for the pain they caused and move on. A part of them may always wonder where their ex is and hope they are doing well. After spending years in love their ex, there will also probably always be a part of them that loves them. As I said above, loving someone is different from being in love.

Good and honest people never say they will love someone forever without believing in their words. Not only is it completely normal for a person to wish their ex well, it should be preferred. This shows the person has a great amount of maturity and a strong will to move forward. It is no easy task to forgive someone who has hurt your so badly. Forgiveness is not meant to benefit the offender, though.

Forgiveness is essential for a person to move on. There are many vicious actions people take against one another. Those who are able to forgive their offenders and move on are the ones that lead a happy and healthy life.

Be open and honest with your partner. It is completely normal to feel anxious about your place in your lover’s heart, especially if their last relationship lasted a very long time. Don’t be afraid if they think well of their ex and express forgiveness.

If one day your current relationship were to take an unfortunate turn, would you not want your partner to someday still wish you well, as you will also wish them?

 

Author Bio: Tonya Vrba is a passionate freelance writer. Her work has been published in newspapers and blogs. She is currently an active writer for Online Dating Sites. Learn more about Tonya and her work at her personal website tonyavrba.wordpress.com.

 

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