Every one of us has gone through tough times in our lives. You may even be going through one now. We comfort ourselves and our loved ones as best we can during these times, trying to remember that things will get be better soon, or that the pain will fade with time.
But then the inevitable question that we all find ourselves asking at one time or another hits us like a ton of bricks: Why do these things keep happening?
I have had similar thoughts, especially during times that my life has not been so simple. Like most, I’ve experienced some tough times. I could allow myself to dwell on these and spend my life in regret, but what good would that do? Can the past be changed? Of course not. So what is the answer?
We must move forward. We must LIVE. If we focus on the past and our regrets, we miss the present. There is literally not one thing you can do to change what is already done. You can make changes and improvements in the present, and this might also improve your future–but dwelling on things one cannot control will only serve to make one insane. There is no benefit. I’m not saying that one shouldn’t learn from one’s mistakes–just that if we don’t move on with our lives and put the past behind us, we can never achieve balance.
When I look at my children, who are the light and loves of my life (next to their daddy, of course), I know that it’s meant to be. All three of my amazing kids are SUPPOSED to be here, and if my life had taken a different course, if I’d made different choices, I’d never have had the opportunity to know these beautiful people.
I’ve learned to stop wishing my life away. I have gone through the trials and tribulations I have because it brought me to this point. They made me strong, made me the person I am today. I believe that you can never have what you want until you want what you have, and that everything happens for a reason–even if we don’t fully understand the reason at the time. Almost always, we can look back and find some good that came from the bad, even if it’s minute. It’s like that movie, The Butterfly Effect. Quite literally, every single choice we make every single day can affect the rest of our lives. But if we live in constant fear and regret, we will never fully live in the moment. And isn’t that what life is all about?
Angela Atkinson is a Certified Life Coach and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic relationships since 2006, Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own.
Atkinson offers trauma-informed coaching and has certifications in life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves.
Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. In her life coaching practice, Atkinson’s clients enjoy her personalized approach that allows and encourages them to become the best possible versions of themselves and to succeed in doing what they love most. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online and NarcissismSupportCoach.com.