Worst Narcissist Jokes Ever

Written by Angela Atkinson

There’s a reason I’m not a stand-up comedian. Still, sometimes laughter can be the best medicine. In that spirit, here are the cheesiest jokes I could come up with about narcissists. 

  • Why did the narcissist cross the road? She thought it was a boundary.
  • Quick narcissism test. Step 1. Take a minute to think about yourself. Step 2. Still here? Then you’re probably safe. Making it to step two means you can stop thinking about yourself.
  • Why doesn’t a narcissist ever attack a vampire? Professional courtesy of course.
  • Narcissists can be great birth control…just spend a few hours with one while they’re dealing with a narcissistic injury – it’s just like being with a toddler.
  • Never give a narcissist a straw. He will just use it to suck the life out of someone.
  • Some people leave footprints on your heart. Narcissists make you wanna leave footprints on their faces.
  • A narcissist walks into a bar and finds that he can’t stop staring at the gorgeous man across the room. He is fascinated with this guy and he can’t figure out why. Finally he sneaks over to the bartender and tells him to get the guy a drink on him. The bartender looks confused for a minute. “Which one?” The narcissist points at the amazing looking guy and the bartender looks pained. “Sir,” he says, holding back laughter. “That’s a mirror.”
  • A narcissist walks into a bar. And it’s all the bar’s fault for hanging too low.
  • A narcissist walks into a bar. She is quickly approached by a decent looking guy, who asks if she’s seeing anyone. “Mostly myself, in the mirror,” she says.
  • Did you hear the one about the narcissist who got in a tragic accident and lost his left arm and left leg? He’s never been happier, because he’s finally all right.
  • How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one – because the whole world revolves around her. 
  • So I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. I really hated it at first. But by the end, I sorta liked it.
  • My narcissist and I got divorced because of religious differences. He thought he was God, and I disagreed.
  • What do you call a narcissist who is buried in the ground up to his neck? A good start.
  • I just figured out how narcissists sleep so well. First, they lie on one side. Then they lie on the other.
  • How do you know when a narcissist is lying? His lips are moving. 
  • Why is it so expensive to divorce a narcissist? Cuz baby it’s worth it.
  • What should you do if someone steals your narcissistic partner? Throw a party in his/her honor. 
  • Marrying a narcissist is like a 3 ring circus. First there’s the engagement ring. Then there’s the wedding ring. And then the suffering.

Come on, I know you can do better! Share your favorite narcissist jokes with me!

Author

  • Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics. A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. Atkinson was inspired to begin her work as a result of having survived toxic relationships of her own. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online.

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